Persona
by St. Ciel
Summary: "Teach me how to live successfully in this world and I will break our contract and set you free." Newly turned demon, Ciel, has made a deal with his former butler, Sebastian, on how to properly be a demon. However, after each kill he makes, Ciel begins to take on more than just some of his victims' souls. SebxCiel
1. Prelude - A Death After Life

August 26th, 1889

Isn't it a natural reaction? To be scared?

It all happened so quickly; the reaction was taken from me before I even had the chance to blink. I suppose I should be grateful to Hannah and Alois. Their wretchedly selfish behavior saved me the trouble of wondering what it would be like when Sebastian finally devoured my soul.

In a way, I do pity Sebastian, he was dutiful and held up his end of the contract with such honor, even though something as powerful as he had to serve as a lowly butler to a child. Now, though – all of that work, all of that effort – gone. I know how much he was looking forward to tasting me. After all, he made it very clear that he was saving himself for my ripe, depraved soul. He carefully cultivated me, primed me to make me the best meal he would have ever sampled.

Still, as I plummet into this sea, I know he's following after me, foolishly. Completely ignorant of the fact that his endeavors to save me are all for nothing – you see Sebastian, you're too late – I am already dead.

* * *

"My lord?" I hear his voice, calling me, beckoning me to wake, to open my eyes – to reveal whether I am alive or dead – I don't. "Master, are you alright?" He asks, I listen to him as he speaks to me, I can feel my lifeless body pressed up against his. There is no heart beating in his chest, there is no oxygen filling his lungs – he is dead like me. There is something else behind his words, behind the sentiment attached – he seems genuinely worried about me. Well, this is _novel_.

"Young master?"

"What is it Sebastian?" I inquire briskly, still keeping my eyes closed.

I don't mean to sound as harsh as I do but for one moment, I just wanted quiet, peace and serenity; I just wanted to know what it felt like to be dead. I could feel Sebastian lay me out on the deck of a wooden boat and felt his body hover on top of me. _Ah_, he's checking if I'm breathing – I'll play along – I drew in a sharp intake of breath, letting my chest rise and fall with each inhalation. Seeming satisfied, he moves off of me.

"My lord, are you all right?"

"What do you think?"

"I – I don't know what to think." He pauses, placing his bare hand on my forehead, probably to check my temperature. "After what Hannah had said, I just thought that-"

"I'd be a demon?" I decide that now would be a good time to open my eyes.

Sebastian falls back, looking at me incredulously. Was it worry? Was it sadness? Was it shock or perhaps it was horror? I don't know what I must look like nor do I know what caused his reaction but I'll never forget that look on his face for as long as I exist in this world.

"You tried to kill me." I say snidely as I glare over at him, lifting myself up to my elbows. Indeed he did, when he caught me in the water, he punched a hole straight into my chest. I start to sit up with his assistance; he pulls me forward by grabbing my arm and bringing it towards him. "Were you trying to do it before I awakened? Before I could live as a demon?"

"No. Killing you wasn't my intent. I just had to see if you truly had become a demon." he reasons. In that case, what was this entire pretense for? Checking if I was breathing, checking my temperature – he has already confirmed his suspicions in the water. I run my fingers underneath my bloodied shirt – smooth, not even an indentation from the fist he plunged into me. I healed quickly.

I look around as we float along; this area is unfamiliar to me. Where were we? I think it is some kind of dam but I'm not sure. I look up to see the night sky give way to the discoloration of morning as the sun starts to rise in the sky.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get home – wait, home? I can never go home again – damn you Alois! You're the gift just keeps on giving.

"My lord, what do you wish to do now?"

What do I want to do now? I don't know.

"Sebastian, you needn't address me as such anymore. I am no more an Earl now as you are a butler." Well, I am dead after all – what was I going to do with a title in hell? Sebastians' eyebrows were knitted, as he was deep in thought.

"This has never come up before," He began, drawing his right index finger to his lower lips and stroking it lightly.

"What do you mean?"

"My contractor has died before our deal was complete. _This_ has never come up before."

"So you heard what I ordered whilst in the labyrinth?" He nods. My final order to him was that he was to remain my butler until the day he eats my soul.

Dropping his hands and holding them out in front of his face, he looks at the backs of them. There it was, on his left hand, the letters of the Tetragrammaton written within our pentagram contract seal. It seems that my death didn't break our contract – he is still bound to me. Well, this is unfortunate… for him.

"It appears that I am still your loyal servant." He says solemnly. I scoot back, trying to stagger to my feet. Sebastian, much swifter that I am, gets to me and offers to help me up.

I swat his good intension away as I meander on my own.

"I don't need your help Sebastian." I hiss.

"My lord?" his voice is soft, as if he can see that I am struggling with my current predicament.

Well, what was I going to do? I am dead; my parents have died long before me, I have no manor to return to, I'm completely alone. Well, not completely.

I could feel my right eye start to itch and burn; so, my contract seal is still there too? I now know what I'm going to do.

"Sebastian, this is an order, teach me how to live in this world." I command.

Within the instant, he is down on one knee in front of me, his ungloved right hand crossed over his chest and his head bowed, all he utters is: "Yes, my Lord."

I feel his compliance is reluctant, to say the least. I reach over and place my hand on his head, which causes him to look up at me, his eyes demonic - carmine retinas with black pupils narrowing into thin horizontal slits.

"Teach me how to live successfully in this world and I will break our contract and set you free." I attempt to soothe him. If I can be successful here, then I won't need to go to the underworld and I definitely won't need him any longer.

Sebastian nods, seemingly satisfied with my terms. He gets to his feet and curtly bows in front of me.

"Where would you like to go now?"

"Do you know, I don't much care." I reply dryly.

And it's true – I don't.


	2. Chapter One - Me and the Devil

The warm sun fell over my face, basking me in its glow. I could feel the familiar comfort of my bed as I nestled deeper into the inviting cocoon of sheets. I wasn't really all that tired, in fact, I'm not really sure that I slept. I just lay here, trying to relax my mind from all of the thoughts that wore themselves out by racing around inside me.

"Good morning Master, it's time to wake up." He calls over to me, "For breakfast we have milk poached salmon with steamed asparagus topped with a hollandaise sauce." I open my eyes to see him stood at the head of the bed with an ornate silver service trolley. He opens the small mauve cylinder tin and sifts out a few spoonfuls of the loose dried leaves into the teapot, fills it with hot water and flips over a small hourglass timer. I recognize the scent, pungent and strong; it was a Ceylon tea with the perfumed citrus scent of bergamot – Earl Grey. The smell was so vivid I start to feel nauseated with each overbearing whiff.

Sebastian walks over to me and draws the layers of my self made cocoon off of me. I whine, not wanting to leave the sanctuary of my bed and I spy Sebastian from narrowed eyes as he set about to prepare me for my day. I've never observed him before - he is very interesting to watch. I never noticed how well he had adapted to being my butler, how much he had to learn and how much he had actually achieved. It was amazing how we slipped back into our routine as though nothing had changed but it was blatantly obvious to the both of us that everything had.

I sit up in the bed, stretch and allow him to undress me, just as he always has. He unbuttons and slips off my nightshirt, he then swiftly and with absolute ease pulls a pair of black wool breeches up around my waist. He then slips my arms into the sleeves of a black dress shirt and buttons it at the front. Tucking the tails into the waistband, he fastens the top of my breeches together; the coarse fabric grates against my skin.

Sebastian does everything at such speed and with such grace, I wonder why I've never noticed this before – I didn't even have to move an inch and I'm dressed. I couldn't even feel the cool morning breeze on my skin, it happened that quickly. I lean back slightly on my elbows as I watch him prepare my tea – the smell is still slightly sickening but I try to ignore it. Placing a small tea strainer onto the rim of a porcelain cup, Sebastian pours the freshly brewed liquid into it.

He puts it onto a saucer and hands it to me. I sit up, moving off of my elbows and accept the tea. I go through my usual motions of smelling the fragrant vapors – over powering and repugnant, I scrunch my nose up at the stench. I take a sip – it was horrible!

"This tastes revolting!" I hand the cup back to Sebastian as he smiled wryly at me.

"Well, we have no taste for human things after all."

"Then why make it?"

He places the cup and saucer down on the trolley and grabs a long thin black ribbon from the side of the bed.

"I would say force of habit but actually, it is necessary for your current well being."

"What do you mean?"

"I do this to help you adjust you from your former life into your new one."

"I think I'm adjusting well." Sebastian smirks at my comment as slips the ribbon around my neck. "What?"

"You haven't even begun to understand what it means to be a demon Ciel. Everything inside you has changed or is changing. All of your senses will start to heighten, you'll see things brighter, you'll hear things louder and everything will become illuminated."

"You make it sound so nice." I smile sardonically at him as he straightens out the ruffled material around my neck for the tie.

"It can be nice. We are faster and stronger than we would have ever been if we were human." He loops the fabric together to tie a bow.

"Would you prefer to make it even tighter?" I jest dryly; he looks down at me and into my eyes.

"No." he sighs bluntly. "We'll have to each you how to control that." He pulls the ribbon into a bow.

"Control what?"

"Your eyes."

_My eyes?_ I leap off of the bed and sprint to the mirror on my dressing table; I lean over it and stare at myself hard in the reflection, my black nailed fingers pulling at my eyelids as I examine them. My eyes were like his from the other day - carmine retinas with thin horizontally narrowed black pupils.

"Have they always been like this?" I was nervous to hear the answer. I can't hide these eyes, it was already bad enough that I could see out of both eyes now but I had to keep up the charade of using my eye patch.

Placing both of his hands on my shoulders, Sebastian leans over, watching our reflections in the mirror. His own eyes kept changing from ruddy to carmine, showing off I would suspect.

"Take a deep breath and focus on changing them back to blue." He advised me calmly, his voice vibrated through me as he held my gaze in the reflection.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I think about my eyes, focusing on them and actively think about changing them back to blue. Opening them again, I see that it's worked – my eyes have changed back to their normal hue and I sigh out in relief.

Wiggling out of Sebastians' grip, I stroll back over to my bed and sit down. He follows after me and finishes readying me for the day, grabbing a pair of black under knee socks and my thin leather calf suspenders. He slides the stocks over my feet and up my legs as I prop them on his upper thigh. I cannot image what he must be thinking at this moment in time, I don't recall a time I ever cared – but for some reason, I do seem to care now.

"Sebastian," I began, I knew what I was going to say to him but the words felt jumbled in my mouth. He looks up at me as he starts to hook the small round buttons of my ankle boots. He doesn't skip a beat in between the buttons and looking at me. "I am sorry you couldn't, uh -" I still can't get the words out but being the ever dutiful butler, he seemed to understand what I was trying to say.

"It doesn't matter anymore, my lord, what's done is done," is all he says.

* * *

It has been one month since I turned.

Sebastian had thought it would be best to keep up the appearance of being 'alive' for the time being so we stayed at the manor. It would allow me to learn from him and it would allow him to get things in order for my eventual human demise. I was happy to do so, after all, it was my home and I was comfortable in it.

I chose not to engage in any social activities until I could control myself. The desire to devour my servants alone was incredibly strong, Sebastian had to run regular interference between them and myself, especially as I was starving and human food had the taste and texture of gritty sand. I'm not really sure how I am meant to live the rest of my existence like this.

Sebastian brings me what he can but I'm horrible at it – the slaughter, the kill, the taking of a living beings life, their essence and their soul. It has become overwhelming and hard to bear – I decided that, for the time being, to just not eat - which has its problems all of its own. I'm tired, I'm weak and I feel useless and destitute.

Was this guilt? A residue left over from my own deleted human existence? I can occasionally hear their screams in my head, their pleas to be spared, their prayers to God. _God_, I don't believe in God anymore – what good was he if he couldn't protect these innocent creatures from being snuffed out by a grotesque being like me?

I think of this often, especially now as I lay face down on my desk in my office. No one dares come into this room, as this is where I do my work and I hate to be disturbed. These days, it was the only place that I could have a moment of solace and quiet reflection on the things that weigh heavily on my mind. There was a soft knock on the door, interrupting my contemplative thought.

Sebastian enters the room with a tray of tea and cakes – _oh, cakes_, how I miss the sweet sugary taste of cakes. He sits the tray next to my head and I roll over to see it and sniff the fragrant chocolate emanating from the spongy mass – this is torture for me.

"Sebastian why do you keep taunting me with tea? Especially as you know I cannot drink it." I hiss, still face down on the cool wooden surface.

Sebastian grins at me; I can see a faint glimmer of amusement in his eyes. This has become a habit. As loyal as he still was to me, bound by our contract of course, I could see him starting to gain amusement by torturing me. He would make all of my favorite dishes and bake all of my favorite cakes knowing that I can't taste them – they hold no flavor in my mouth.

"My, what would the servants think if you didn't take your afternoon tea?" He asked as he pours the hot liquid into a teacup and places it down in front of my nose.

"And the cakes?" I huff.

"Well, what would the servants think if you didn't have your favorite cakes with your tea?" He chides me with a wry smile as he passes the chocolate cake over to me.

"This is hell – I cannot bear it. You're a sadist." I groan. I understand keeping up the false pretense in front of everyone but we are currently alone and I'm starving.

"Well master, considering that I was acquainted with the Marquis de Sade, I'll take that as a compliment." He smirks, sometimes; I wish I could slap that smug look from off of his face. "I suppose it's time I teach you to hunt." He concludes.

_To hunt?_ I haven't thought about this – I need to learn how to take a soul. I sit up and straighten myself out, staring ahead; this wasn't something I actually thought about doing.

"Why would I need to do that when you bring me what I need?" I don't look at him; I know what he's going to say before he opens his mouth.

"My lord, your orders were clear – I have to teach you how to successfully live in this world. If you want to survive, you'll need to learn how to hunt – on your own." He moved to stand right in front of me; I can see his torso and his hands as they sit at his sides. I know that when he teaches me to hunt and I become good at it – I will need to uphold our end of the bargain and release him from his contract. I knew this time would come but I was hoping that it wouldn't have happened so suddenly.

It wasn't as though Sebastian and I had formed a bond – probably the opposite of that really. He seemed to live to punish me, putting me in challenging positions that I cannot fight my way out of. One of the meals he fetched for me was a prostitute – vicious little thing and a biter at that – but he knew that it would bring up memories of my Aunt that I had managed to suppress for such a long time now. Although he didn't say it, I knew with every waking moment that Sebastian Michaelis hated my existence. Still, at this moment in time, I would much rather be hated than to be alone and I will be alone for eternity.

However, it was a part of our current deal so I must honor that in exactly the same way as he had honored ours when the original deal was struck.

"All right." I sigh, "Teach me how to hunt."

* * *

He hovers over me, tightening his grip on my throat. I feebly struggle underneath the strength of his arms.

"Se-Sebastian!" I choke out, I have no air in my lungs and yet I feel like I'm suffocating, his face remains stoic and focused on mine.

"Get off me!" I yell.

"No." He replies flatly.

"Sebastian, get the hell off of me!" I struggle to get out of his vice like grip.

"No." He squeezes tightly around my throat, I can feel the tears welling up and burning my eyes.

"You're h-hurting me!" I cry. He only looks down at me unsympathetically as I struggle. Is he really going to kill me? I know that he must want to but -

"My lord, you'll have to learn how to defend yourself. I'm only attacking you with half my strength. _Now_, push me off." His voice is cold and detached.

We've begun hunting practice and by that I mean he attacked me. Catching me off guard and throwing me to the ground. He had already hurled many punches that had landed fiercely onto my face and

I buck violently beneath him, I can't escape, _I... can't..._

"I-" I'm starting to lose consciousness as I can hear the bones in my neck give way and crack under the strain.

"There will be those that wish to do you great harm, you'll have to protect yourself from them."

_Crack_.

"I-I can't."

_Crack._

"Yes you can - _try_, try to concentrate, focus your strength and push me off of you."

I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter, hot tears roll from my lashes, down my cheeks and into my ears as I struggle to bring my attention from the searing pain in my throat to my arms. I can feel energy pulsing through me, taking the place of the blood that once flowed through my veins. It courses and it surges and I can feel myself getting stronger.

Lifting my right leg up, I maneuver my foot onto Sebastians' chest. I take a moment to concentrate my thoughts and I visualize pushing him off of me. Within that second and with all the power I can muster, I thrust my foot into his chest and he goes flying. I struggle to my feet as I watch him collide into the nearest elm tree, causing it bow and break. I roll my shoulders, cracking the swiftly healing bones back into shape. I feel powerful and it feels magnificent.

With my newly acquired speed, I appear before him and watch as he tries to stand. I leap on top of him, tackling him back onto the ground and I pin his shoulders down. I can feel my eyes changing to the demonic ones as I hold his gaze.

"How's this?" I inquire as I bash his head repeatedly into the shattered trunk of the tree. With one fell swoop, he takes his arm and swipes me off of him with the same ease of a kitten batting a fly. Instead of colliding with another tree, I position myself midair to bounce off of it, using my legs to absorb the landing and propel myself.

Sebastian is already back on his feet, waiting for me to attack. Lunging forward, I hug my arms around him and we both crash into another tree, causing it to fall. I squeeze his waist tightly as I can feel him kneeing me in the chest. Bending backwards, I swing him up and over me, his head collides into the ground and I let him go.

"You fight dirty." He growls as he rolls over onto his side and pushes himself up to his knees.

I can sense that this lesson hasn't yet finished and I sprint over to one of the fallen trees – I wrap my arms it and hold it over my shoulder. I can't help but smile, this is amazing – I have never felt so strong in all of my life. I was a sick child, an asthmatic sheltered from the outside world, sheltered from harm and I had no ability to physically fight back. Something that Sebastian would always point out whenever he had to come to my rescue. Now, _now_ – I feel like I can take on anyone, take on anything and I'm going to prove it.

Running towards Sebastian, who was just starting to get back to his feet, I take the tree and hurl it around like I was swinging a cricket bat. The motion swept him up and sent him flying – I throw the tree down and delight in my efforts – but – I'm tired. With as swift a motion as I had over taken him, I feel all of my energy is leaving me, causing me to drop to my knees. I feel light headed, dizzy and strained as I fall forward onto my hands.

"Young Master?"

I smirk; of course he came back so quickly. As much as I boast, I could never be as powerful as Sebastian is. In my mind, he is a pure demon, one who had ever experienced the life of a human. He doesn't realize that at times our bodies can be weak or rather he does realize it but never points that fact out to me.

I can feel his large arms engulf me as he lifts me to my feet. I would struggle and try to do this on my own but I feel that it would be futile; I am much too tired and much too hungry to try. Sebastian picks me up, cradling me in his arms and pulling me close to his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder as he takes me back home. I know I shouldn't but I do find great comfort in the familiarity of this motion. How many times have you held me like this, I wonder? More times than I could possibly imagine at this point but still, you won't have to for long. I will learn how to stand on my own, how not to be weak and I will learn how to defeat you.

"My lord, you're smiling." His tone was soft and sweet.

"Am I?" I guess I was, I think it was that last thought that tickled me - _I will learn to defeat you_.

* * *

I feel sated.

I rest my aching back against the warm porcelain of my sunken bathtub. I rest my arms along the edge and drum my fingers against the sides. I close my eyes but still see the warm golden glow of the candlelight flickering throughout the room. Fluttering them open again, I look at my chest, legs and arms – not a bruise or scratch from this afternoon's dalliance, not that I thought there would be but as my body ached a little I thought there might be a sign that there was a least something a little human about me left.

I close my eyes again and relax into warmth of the water. I hear Sebastian padding around outside of the bathroom and the chortle of the other servants down the hall. Things have started to settle down for the evening and everyone was getting ready for bed. There is a knock on the door and I hear light footsteps come in – judging by the smell, I can tell it is Sebastian – demons give off a particular smell that differs from humans, it's sweet but oddly spicy.

"I was able to get the blood out of your waistcoat, my lord." I hear him pull a small wooden stool behind my head. It was my dinner – a farm girl this time. Her soul tasted sticky and tainted, it was bitter but satisfying nonetheless.

"Well that's good. I wouldn't like to explain to Nina why I go through so many clothes these days – especially as I'm not growing." I hear him hum in agreement as he gently takes a washcloth, dampens it in the water and lathers a bar of soap onto it. I can smell the overpowering floral smell, which nauseates me – another thing he does to torment me. I've told him time and time again that he no longer has to bathe me but he insists as it's in keeping with his duty as my butler. I think that it's another way he can punish me by using the sickliest sweet things he could find, knowing that I haven't been able to control my sense of smell.

"This won't do my lord." He sighs.

"What won't?"

"The way you killed that girl, it was incredibly sloppy."

I snort, "I got the job done didn't I?"

"That may be but in order to dispose of the body a little more easily and without arousing suspicions – you'll need to learn how to do a cleaner kill."

"Why when I have you to take care of it for me?" I goad, as I know what his reaction will be.

"My lord, have you forgotten our deal?" Knew it.

"No, of course not." I open my eyes and tilt my head back, looking up at him. "A deal is a deal Sebastian, I haven't forgotten." I bring my head back the front and sit up as he washes my back with that fowl smelling rag. "Although, if you keep trying to test my temper with smells like this, I may be forced to change my mind." I growl.

"I think your next lesson will have to be how to seduce your prey." He purred into my ear, I whip around to face him.

"What are you talking about?"

He raised his eyebrow and looked at me incredulously, "Seducing your prey." He states again, flatly.

"Why would I need to learn how to do that? I'm a child!" I interject.

"You are no more a child than I am a butler." He smiles playfully as he dips the cloth back into the water and draws the warm liquid over my chest. He used my own rhetoric against me. I am no longer a child - I am no longer anything. I have never even had my first kiss, let alone the ability to charm someone – I can feel my skin burning.

"You're blushing my lord." Sebastian grins – I want to smack that look from off of his face. "Surely you've kissed a lady before?" He continues to poke at me, I quickly turn my back to him but I can feel him lean over me. "Not even Lady Elizabeth?"

"_Oh God!_" I groan as I put my head in my hands – I don't know what has just come over me but I feel horribly embarrassed, which I know is amusing Sebastian to no bloody end.

"Come on my lord, not even a peck?"

"Stop it!"

"Hm, well I guess that makes sense then. I'll have to teach you from scratch."

"What if I don't want to learn?" I mutter through my hands.

"You don't have much of a choice here Ciel." Even though I asked him to address me as such, it is still strange to hear my name uttered by him, he rarely calls me that but when he does I know he's serious.

"Why don't I have a choice?"

"It's obvious you're hungry, especially by the way you devour your prey – it's a mess. By seducing them and enticing them, you can remove their souls in the quickest, easiest and most elegant way possible, through their mouths." His voice was honeyed and kind. I sit up straight, taking my hands from my face.

"_Is that how you do it_?" I whisper solemnly.

"My lord?"

"Is that how you get these woman to come home with you, to come here – you seduce them?" I look over my shoulder to see him; he seems to have stopped dead. His eyes were empty and vacant.

"Well yes, I suppose it is. It comes so naturally I forget that I'm doing it." He shrugs and I turn back around.

"Was that how you got me?" I asked honestly.

I was trapped in a room, caged, desperate and alone. I never called on him but he appeared to me.

He denied the others, the predators, and the ones who beat me, enslaved me, and killed my parents. The ones who took my future and my life from me. Those seeking eternal life – using me as sacrifice but he declined them, ignored them and came only to me. His appearance was muddled, his hazy dark figure incomplete but his smile was broad as he set his sights on me.

When he spoke to me, his voice was calm, cool and collected and emitting a low growl but not a threatening one. He could see what I had been through, he could see my bloodied clothes and my anguish and he knew I was not afraid of him. It was at that moment, he chose me – I accepted – I shouted my revenge and he heard me and acquiesced - branding me - and then he freed me.

"I did not seduce you Ciel." He was firm but gentle; "I knew what kind of soul you would be from the moment they summoned me. I wasn't looking for them – I was seeking you."

I shudder at the thought – my fate was sealed the moment they took me and it was sealed again the moment I met you. Bound together, forever, until the grave.

I feel a warm towel wrap around my shoulders as Sebastian covered me securely. I start to stand on my own but Sebastian helps me, allowing me to use his arm to brace myself as I exit the tub. I stand there motionless as he dries me off; I think I may miss you when you're gone.

You understand me fully, the hatred in my heart and my desire for revenge. I am not so childish, not so naïve not to know that you were only with me to take my soul and you're only with me now because of our contract _but…_

"Young Master, are you all right?" He spoke so gently, it sounded almost like concern.

"I'm fine, just tired that's all."

"That's only natural – after our lesson and your feeding, it's bound to take a lot out of you."

Sebastian drapes my nightshirt over my scrawny frame and kneels down in front of me to button it. I suppose this is just one more thing I'm going to have to learn how to do on my own.

"My lord, if you'll permit me, I think after I teach you the art of seduction, I think we should trial you out."

"Excuse me?"

He now stands, walking over to the candelabra by the countertop and escorts me out.

The hallway was dark and silent; I couldn't hear a thing stirring in the manor. Entering my bedroom, I crawl into pre turned down sheets and draw them over me.

"The Viscount Druitt is hosting a Masquerade Ball and I think it might be the perfect opportunity for you to hunt and capture your own prey. Especially as no one will recognize you."

I nod; I suppose it is time that I learn how to fend for myself.

"Will you be there?" I don't look at him; I just sit and stare forward.

"If you wish, I will be with my Master every step of the way. From a respectable distance, of course." I can hear the amused smile in his voice.

"Fine. I'll go." I said resolutely as I tuck myself into bed.

"I'll make the preparations tomorrow. Good night my lord, pleasant dreams."

Still, he taunts me – he knows that I'll never be able to sleep again.

* * *

**Authors' Note:** Well this concludes the nice shiny bit of the story; it's dark from here on out. I really wish there was a genre for Psychological on this site because that's what this story is and hopefully a massive mind f**** until the end. Enjoy the ride.


	3. Chapter Two - Her Hollow Ways

Our carriage pulls up outside the Kensington townhouse estate belonging to the Viscount Druitt. I sit inside for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts – this was it, I was going to do this, collect my first soul.

Sebastian looks over at me, his face covered in an elaborate mask. It has a large plume of black feathers on one side and a beak at the front. He opted to stay in his butler's uniform - save for a corsage of dark purple roses and black raven feathers – to match his mask, I suppose.

A wry smile is on his lips as he passes me my mask, an ornate gold Venetian facemask with several white and blue roses along the side. It matches my outfit, a long military styled dark navy blue wool coat with gold trimmings and buttons; it is so overflowing with fabric that it actually resembles a dress, much to my chagrin. I wear my usual shorts and matching waistcoat with a white blouse completely covered in frilly ruffles. The one thing I like the most about this costume is the tri corner hat that Nina has designed to match – it has the same black-feathered plumage as Sebastians' mask and a white and navy blue bow.

I tie the mask behind my head and I look over to him.

"Are you ready?" He asks me, that was a loaded question. I think I am but how can one ever be truly sure?

"I am as ready as I am ever going to be." I state – well, at least that much is true.

"Just remember what I taught you and you will be fine." He reinforces.

What he taught me, hm, the words were still fresh in my mind.

* * *

"Do not go for the weakest person. It may seem to be the easier option but that's not how we hunt. The more enticing the prey – the more delicious their soul." Sebastian advises me. It was our first lesson in seduction – or rather, how to use seduction in order to track our kill.

I was more than uncomfortable with the subject matter but I did need to know this to survive. I was more determined than ever to get this down so that I may be able to stand on my own. At this point, I was ready – I could start to feel my humanity finally slipping away, although there were some lingering inclinations left over which, according to Sebastian, was only natural. I wanted them to leave me; I wanted to have control over myself again. These remnants of my past only hinder me and I want them gone – this now includes Sebastian.

He continues to torment and punish me on a daily basis – hating me for being a demon – now I want him to go. If that's what he also wants, then he should leave. I think about this as he is trying to instruct me on what to do, I am sat at my desk, watching him as he paces back and forth in front of me, reeling off protocol like he invented it – he's wearing his reading glasses to mark the fact that he's a serious lecturer. Where did he get that concept from, I wonder, as I notice that he's been doing this since he became my butler. He doesn't need his glasses, I don't need my eye patch – I guess it's just one of those things we continue to do to make ourselves feel we are grounded in something normal, whatever that means anymore.

"Make eye contact, hold their gaze and draw them in. Make them feel like they are the only person in the room. Why is this important?"

I groan aloud and place my face flat down on the desk.

"I don't know."

He places his hands down on both sides of my face and bends over.

"I need you to learn this, my lord, how are you ever going to survive if you don't?"

I sit up and make eye contact with him, "Fine. This is important because this is how we lure them into a false sense of security before we attack." _Like a spiders' web_ – those words came crashing into my thoughts, I shake them off as they weren't mine but there they were, in my head.

Sebastian nods, seemingly happy with my response. "Compliment them, not anything too trite but be sweet and kind. The key to this is to make them feel special, like you understand them."

"Why's that?"

"Because my lord, when you can get them to feel like you care, they become more willing. If they are more willing then it's easier to entice and to overpower. Soon you won't need to even think about it. It'll come as naturally to you as it does me and you can attract anyone to you. We can trap anyone with a look, a touch or words, if we have to. We can subvert them and make them ours without even bothering with a contract."

"If you don't need a contract to get a soul, then why did you make one with me?"

"Because, I was bored of sampling the worthless cuisine around and I wanted something I could really sink my teeth into." His eyes narrow as he looks at me, I can feel them burning holes straight into my head. "I worked to make your soul the most desirable it could possibly be." He bends over the desk, his face right in front of mine as he locks eyes with me. Reaching over, he delicately touches my cheek.

"I wanted to make a contract with you because your soul was so sinister, so tainted, it was going to be such a euphoric high, like the very best glass of Absinthe with the perfect cloudy louche – I worked so hard to cultivate you, exact your orders and let you smell the blood of those who wished to harm you – most of all, I could not wait to kill you." He growls. I can't help but shudder under his touch – he has never actually told me how much he wanted to take my soul before now, I don't know why I'm nervous but I now realize where the hatred over my existence may come from.

* * *

I decide that it is time to leave the carriage. Sebastian drapes a long black woolen cloak over his shoulders as he gets out first. He slings it partly open, smoothing one side over his shoulder, revealing his corsage pinned to his chest.

He holds his hand out for me and I accept it, walking down the steps of the carriage and down to the ground. He leads me into the front as if I'm some kind of dainty doll but I find amusement in this, I don't know what he was trying to do but I found it humorous enough.

Entering the house, I instantly see the Viscount has exquisite taste – everything is white, white marble columns and floors, white wooden walls and large white roses and lilies in white porcelain vases. Everything looks clean and opulent.

Leading me into the main reception, Sebastian and I see the room is flooded with party revelers, all clad in the most fantastic masks I have ever seen. This was my first Masquerade and I am already enjoying it – I love the anonymity of it all, I could be a demon here and no one would know the difference, in fact, there were many here with red and black faced 'demon' masks on – if only they knew the actual truth.

Sebastian and I stand to the side and watch everyone enjoying themselves. The purpose of being here is that I need to hunt and seduce my own prey – but I need to find someone worthy of my efforts. So far, there wasn't anything I was interested in at all.

My sense of smell is extraordinarily heightened; I am trying to sniff out the very best soul that so that I can trial my newly acquired skills. No one here seems to hold any worth, just the run of the mill – I don't know what I was hoping for? Someone like me, perhaps? I want to taste what Sebastian has desired all of this time – maybe I am being too hopeful?

"My lord…" Sebastian pulls me aside and behind a pillar, standing right in front of me, he holds me close, blocking me.

"Sebastian, what on Earth are you doing?"

"Lady Elizabeth is here." He states. I start to become nervous, Lizzie will blow everything for me but still, I haven't seen her in weeks. I push Sebastian off of me and move him aside. I peer around the pillar to get a better look at her.

She is unmistakable, her golden blond ringlet curls are bundled up into two neat pigtails and her signature cowlick falls over her masked face. She is beautiful in her favorite pink dress that she only wears during parties. She looks miserable as she stands speaking to Paula, her ditzy but meaningful maid.

"Should we go?" Sebastian questions me from behind; I can't help but just stare at her.

"No."

"What do you want to do?"

"I think – I think that if I am to have my first kiss with anyone, I want it to be with her." I couldn't be more matter of fact.

I hear Sebastian chuckle behind me, he's jibing me – I know it.

"My, I wouldn't have expected such sentimentality from you."

"Shut up." I bark.

I have been avoiding Elizabeth since I turned; her overwhelming desire to do anything to please me would feed directly into my desire to devour her. As much as I pity Sebastian for having to be stuck with me, for the time being at least, I hold such sorrow in my heart for Elizabeth – a feeling that won't last long, I know but it's there nonetheless.

She still clings on to the past me, the physical me that had died even before my psychological self did. She knew me when I was just a small child, a little sickly slip of a thing but no matter what, I was happy. I remember being happy. She remembers me being happy.

It must be hard for her, when I returned I was callous and I was cold to everyone around and especially to her. I was only focused on exacting my revenge on those who wished to shame my family name, and me. I wasn't the same and she knew it. She tried her hardest for me; everything she did was to make me smile, to make me happy – to make me the way that I was when she remembered me. That was her first mistake, she tried to change me back to whom I once was – whom I could never be again.

That was also _my _first mistake, I never told her what I had been through, what I had seen – I indulged her attempts when I should have told her the truth. Perhaps she would have left; maybe even run, but I doubt it.

I know that even if I told Elizabeth everything, she would have just held my hand and smiled; she would have tried her hardest to understand and would have done her very best to assure me that everything was going be all right and that I was safe now. I know that that's what she would have done, had I have given her the opportunity but I didn't.

I thought that I was protecting her but now I realize that I was in fact protecting myself. I couldn't bear to harm her or to make her sad – I could never be the boy she once knew, grew up with and came to love, despite all of her efforts. I couldn't bear to break her heart like that, maybe it was sentimentality as Sebastian had put it but it was a feeling that I have held onto since my return. I loved her, in my own way and I knew that she loved me.

"This is the last thing I can do for her, the last gift I could give her." I reason aloud. I start to walk over towards her, I can smell Sebastian following behind me, I wish he wouldn't but I know he doesn't want me to do anything reckless. She is still talking to Paula, and she still looks seemingly sad for some reason, after all, she was at a party – something Lizzie loves.

"My Lady, would you care to dance?" I ask, bowing slightly in front of her and holding out my hand.

"No thank you." Her voice is distant and sad.

"Please forgive my Mistress Sir; she has been all out of sorts these last few weeks." Her brown haired maid tries to explain to me. Doesn't she recognize me? Of course not, I'm wearing a mask. Straightening myself out again, I move closer to Elizabeth and think about what Sebastian had taught me. I smile and hold her gaze.

"Apologies my lady, I could see that you looked sad but I only wished to share a dance with the most beautiful woman in the room, my apologies." I reach out and lightly stroke her cheek as I try to pour on the charm; I'm not very good at this but Lizzies' eyes light up – seriously, this is working? I can see her skin flush and her eyes look away coquettishly – all good signs.

I extend my hand again, "My Lady, if you will please indulge me?" She curtsies and takes my hand as I lead her out into the dance floor. I slip my left hand around her corseted waist and grip her left with my right as we begin to dance. A waltz, it is appropriate. Elizabeth is studying my eyes, they must be blue for the moment, and I know she wants to ask me something but she keeps biting her lower lip to stifle it. As we turn I glance over to see Sebastian, leaning against a marble column, watching me with an amused smile on his face.

"There's something – um, familiar about you." So she has decided to ask, "Have we met before? Do I know you?"

I smile, "One question at a time Lizzie."

She stops.

She breaks away from me, studying my eyes and the smile on my face – now she knows who I am. Lunging towards me she throws her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly.

"Ciel! Ciel I've missed you so!" She squeals, and I don't fight her off, as I normally would do; I just let her embrace me. I can smell her skin, salty but sweet like salt-water taffy from Brighton beach, _I will miss you Lizzie_. Letting me go, she looks at me again. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you wearing your eye patch?"

I don't have an answer for that, not a pre-prepared fake one anyway. Instead, I take her by the hand and lead her out through the ballroom and into the immaculate courtyard.

There are grey marble benches on the side next to the oval manicured trees. I bring her over to one and sit her down. I can hear her heart thumping loudly in her chest. She is nervous, although I don't know why. Sitting down next to her, I take her hand as we look up at the moon, large and full, bursting at the seams. We sit like this for a moment and then I release her hand, taking both of mine behind my head I unravel the knot from the strings of my mask and take it off.

"Were you sad because of me?" I wonder aloud to myself, she looks over at me, she has heard.

"You have been so distant lately and Sebastian wouldn't even let me see you."

"I wasn't really feeling all that well." I lied; her face went from worry to joy in a matter of seconds.

"Well, you're here now and you look well – that's all that matters." Her smile is like a beacon of light, I suppose now is as good as any to attempt my first kiss.

I scoot over closer to her, I can hear her heart pounding ferociously as I hesitate, what should I do, should I lean forward, take her face into my hands, _God, I hate this_. I decide that the best option is to just turn to her, which I do. Her eyes are as big and as bright as the moon; I reach over behind her head and tug at the ribbon that attaches her mask to her face. Unraveling it, I draw it down, sitting it on my lap. She looks at me with a mixture of such joy and sadness in her vivid green eyes, I can see the tears starting to form.

"Don't cry please Lizzie." I try to soothe, I don't understand where this is coming from.

"I'm sorry Ciel, it's just that – this is perfect. I missed you so much and here you are." She wept softly, her tears starting to roll off of her cheeks. I gingerly place my hand on the side of her face and use my thumb to wipe the fresh tears away. I know eventually I was going to have to hurt her, I just didn't expect it to be in this way. I as I stroke her cheek, I realize that this will have to be the last time she ever sees me – it would be much too hard on her otherwise. She watches me study her face and she places her hand onto my wrist as I sit frozen, memorizing each freckle and each feature - trying to take it all in.

"Ciel?"

I don't know what comes over me but I lean over and I kiss her full lips. She breathes out into me as I move my hand from her face to the back of her head, bringing her closer into me. My tongue starts to take on a life of its own as it breaks the seal of her lips and enters her mouth. She struggles a little but then subsides as I search deep within her – _ah, there it is_ – this taste, this sweetness that I find within her. I pull her into me tightly, using my other hand to wrap around her tiny waist – she tastes delicious, like all of my favorite desserts. I can't help myself as I start to devour her from the inside, drawing out her essence, sucking it from the very depth of her - she is heady and addictive. I start to feel her body go limp in my arms but I just cannot stop.

"Young Master, stop." Sebastians' voice is firm as he snatches Lizzies' wilted body from my grip. I can feel my eyes have switched over to the demonic ones as I glare at him angrily.

"You interrupted me." I snarl at him, I couldn't help it.

"You were about to kill her."

"Isn't that the point?"

"Ciel, I cannot let you kill her." His tone is strict as he gathers her in his arms, and starts to walk back into the house, I watch him as he goes trying to calm down my bloodlust. What was that? It was intoxicating. Standing to my feet, I dust off the folds of my suit coat; I place my mask back over my face and tie it. Collecting Lizzies' mask I quickly follow Sebastian in.

* * *

Finding an empty room wasn't actually a problem in this grand townhouse as I soon found out. Sebastian had darted into one rather quickly and I closed the door behind us. He delicately laid Lizzie out on top of the bed as gently as he would do a china doll, to which she did at that moment, in fact, resemble.

Then it hit me – _Lizzie!_

"What have I done?" I gasp as I rush to her side, leaning over her, I check to see if she's still breathing, she is – _good, I haven't killed her_. "Sebastian, will she be all right?" I am more than worried about her.

He places his hand on my shoulder as I stand over her, watching her chest rise and fall.

"She will be very confused when she wakes but she will be fine."

"You stopped me just in time." I sigh, then it dawns on me, I whip around to face him, "What took you so long, why did you let me do that to her!"

"I wanted to see how far you would go – if you could do it."

"_You knew_? You knew I would do this to her?" I spit as I throw myself on top of Lizzies' lifeless body. I would cry but for some reason I can't, there are no tears forming in my ducts but I do know that I am upset, Sebastian used her as bait, another way to torment me – hasn't he had enough?

Sebastian comes over to me and pulls me off of her, I kick and fight but he has many years on me so my efforts go unnoticed. "I could have killed her!"

"I would not have let you do that." He finally speaks as he puts me down on a nearby chair.

"When will you stop punishing me?"

"My lord?"

"I didn't want this, to be a demon; I wanted you to take my soul – I wanted to die – why are you punishing me for my existence?" I cave in. He has been tormenting me all along and for what? To get back at me over something I had no control over?

Sebastian kneels down in front of me, taking my face into his large hands.

"I am not punishing you Ciel, I am trying to teach you – isn't that what you ordered of me?" His voice is measured and calm as he speaks.

"What are you trying to teach me?"

"Soon, perhaps sooner than you realize, you will start to lose whatever is left of your humanity. These feelings you have now will be nothing but a distant memory that you will never reflect back on. Why are we here? We're here to hunt and to capture your prey, not to play happy families. She is the last thing that holds you back in this world and you have to let her go."

I know that Sebastian is right; I am starting to shed my former self faster than I would want to but - but to use Lizzie as bait to see how far I would go? I give up and stand to my feet, I side step Sebastian and walk over to Lizzie. She looks like a sleeping princess from one of the fairy tale stories Madam Red would read to us as children. I have nothing else for her, nothing to offer – I didn't want this to be the last thing she sees of me but at least I can go without a fuss.

"Good bye, Lizzie." Leaning over, I place my lips onto hers and then I stand again, regarding her kind, innocent beauty. I truly did love her, in my own way.

Walking past Sebastian, who holds the door open for me, I know that this will be the last time I see Elizabeth but I will always remember her, even if I lose every ounce of myself and become the demon I'm surely meant to be. I will remember you, Lizzie.

* * *

Walking back into the party, I can feel my annoyance and anger towards Sebastian start to wane. I don't know why but I feel lighter, cheerful and excited. Was this the thrill of the hunt.

Sebastian follows behind me as we weave in and out of the mingling crowds to find a good vantage point. I know what I am looking for, someone dark with a past I could exploit – after tasting the sweetness of Lizzie, I now hungered for something more dense and savory. Walking and scouring, I stop dead as I see her, causing Sebastian to nearly crash into me.

She is a little taller than I, long jet black hair with a bow on her head band, skin so white it looks like freshly fallen snow, full ruby red lips that never smile and crisp blue eyes with a withdrawn far away look. She wears a superb ebony ball gown with little pearl embellishments along the seams and the sleeves - her dress is so becoming, it compliments her dark features flawlessly. I have never seen anyone so beautiful in my whole life.

She is standing by a column looking more than a little disinterested in the conversation she is a part of. She glances over to me, as if she could sense me watching her – she bats her eyelashes as she smiles faintly, and then she turns away. Was she summoning me? Teasing me?

"Her dress is _so_ cute." I mutter and instantly furrow my brow at that ridiculous remark. Why would I say that? Perhaps it was just nerves, even though I am the stronger being, looking at this girl makes me nervous.

"My Lord?"

"I chose her - I _want_ her." I whisper over my shoulder to Sebastian.

"Excellent choice Master, I can smell her from here – intoxicating, isn't she?"

I don't bother to respond as I push people aside to get to her. I could smell her too, it was prevailing and exhilarating – it drew me to her like a pull from the chest. She's perfect; she looks as desperate and as sullen as me.

I approach her and press my back against the pillar, waiting for her to finish her conversation, not wishing to interrupt, as I want her full attention. I listen to her melodic voice, it's deep for a person her age – I can tell there was a darkness lurking behind it. Sebastian stood a distance away from me, watching me – I must be a sight, I am just simply enjoying listening to her speak. His eyes narrow on me, as I glance over at him – what was his problem? Was I doing something wrong?

No matter, I bow my head slightly and close my eyes in an effort to listen to her better but she seems to have stopped. Has she departed? No, I can still smell her pungent soul near me. Suddenly, I can feel a soft touch on the palm of my hands and I look over, there she is, leaning against the column and pulling me. I follow her as she leads me out into the hall.

"I've been watching you." She starts.

"Have you?" I titter.

She nods curtly and looks around, "Where's your little blond friend?"

"She wasn't to my taste." I smile, looking straight into her eyes – holding her gaze as instructed. She comes closer to me, I have a better opportunity to breathe her in, my mouth waters - if Lizzie was an appetizer, then this is the main course _and _dessert.

"What is to your taste then?" She seems to be seducing me; which is a wonderful change of pace to what Sebastian had taught me – I think I will just follow her lead.

"I think _you _would be more suited to my palate." I let the words roll off of my tongue, languid and purring. I can see her breath hitch in her chest as I move closer to her. "What's your name?" I ask her, pulling her over to the wall and leaning against her, my normally small figure would typically be no match of anyone but I was different now, stronger and more powerful. I nuzzle her throat as I inhale her decadence. I can feel her heart beating into my chest as I stand so close to her – I hold back my overwhelming desire to tear her apart and demolish her soul right here and now.

"My name is Alice, Alice du Bois – what's yours?" Her voice is like velvet as her breath brushes the fine hairs on my neck and falls over my shoulders.

"My name is of no consequence." I smile at her as I move away from her abruptly, what I want to do I know I can't do here. I take her hand and tighten my grip around it as I playfully drag her along the corridor and back outside to the moonlit courtyard.

She giggles as though she thinks that this was nothing more than a game – well it is to me Alice, and it's one I will win.


	4. Chapter Three - Redrum

_For Flying Purple Kites..._

* * *

"Where are we going?" She asks me, still giggling – betraying her youth.

"To the courtyard, the moon is beautiful and full, I just want to see you under that light." Sebastian was right, the words flow out of me easily and freely – I was getting the hang of this after all. She didn't smile at all when I first saw her but ever since we came together, she hasn't stopped.

Giggling a little louder, Alice slips her other arm around the one holding her hand and hugs it as I lead her out. We both laugh and gleefully skip out into the courtyard, what a merry looking pair we must be.

There was something about her that drew out my faded adolescence, something so sweet but equally sour – bitter and tart. I wonder if it was her soul that took over, she had such a hold on me and I could smell her so vividly the back of my mouth started to salivate, I was famished.

Drawing her out and standing in the middle of the courtyard, I can still hear the stringed symphony emitting from the ball room, I flick her off of my arm and twirl her around in front of me, grabbing a hold of her waist I bring her close as I begin to dance with her. She chuckles lightly as she looks into my eyes – hers, a color of ice blue, pierce me.

"Why won't you tell me your name?"

I smile at her, "My name is Ciel."

"Ah, Ciel, Ciel…" She feels the letters on her tongue as she repeats my name. _"Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…"_

"Why do you keep saying my name?"

"I'm calling you to me." Her voice is calm but thick with honeyed tones. _God, she is alluring_.

"There's no need to call, I'm here."

"_Hmm._ I love the sounds of words forming in my mouth – you should try it."

I think for a moment, and then I try it, "_Alice, Alice, Alice_." It is nice, I think – well, nice enough. I let her name roll off my tongue with each inflection.

"There, you see, how did that feel?"

"Wonderful." I try and flash her my most charming smile, it must have worked because she reciprocates.

"You know, I can't remember the last time I was happy, truly happy."

"Really?" Well, neither can I.

She hums and nods as she presses her warm cheek against mine, I know my skin is ice cold but she doesn't flinch, she just holds it there, seemingly enjoying our closeness.

"May I be honest about something?" She poses.

"Of course." Who am I to say no? Especially, if she wishes to be confessional – I cannot give her absolution but I can listen.

"In this moment, right now, I am truly happy."

"I'm pleased."

She purrs to herself and I can feel the vibration in my chest. "_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel_… Your name is beautiful, it means 'Sky' or 'Heaven', yes?"

"Yes."

"I prefer heaven." She coos.

"Why's that?"

"It's nicer, isn't it?"

There was something so distant about her; even though I held her so close to me she felt miles away – like she wasn't intended for this world. I feel like she wants me to chase her but I'm unsure if I'll ever be able to catch her. However, I will try to catch her, I am finding myself curiously drawn to her.

"So, you were watching me?" I conclude, she had mentioned it before but I didn't know what she meant.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I saw what you did to that blond girl earlier."

I stop – did she know what I was? What was she going to do? Was she a demon too? I couldn't smell that particular sweet and spicy aroma of a demon on her but then, I am only used to Sebastians' scent.

My mind races as I slowly back away, my eyes dart around the courtyard, looking for Sebastian, desperately trying to seek him out – I can't find him, where was he?

"Don't worry, that's what drew me to you." A wry smile etched on her tempting, pouting lips as if she knew she had spooked me. "_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel_…" She spoke my name slowly and in such dulcet tones, it was disarming.

"I don't think I'll ever get to heaven Ciel." She continues. "They tend to frown upon suicide."

"Suicide?" I whisper aloud as I back up from her. With each step I take back, she advances towards me, slowly but steady – certain. Her cold, narrow eyes focus on mine.

"I watched you from the moment you arrived and I saw what you did to that little blond girl - I want you do to the same thing to me _but_… I don't want you to stop until you have finished your work."

"I-I don't understand."

"I think you do." Her smile was felicific but it didn't work on me, "I think you understand me perfectly. You see Ciel, I was seeking you out because you are my death."

The backs of my knees hit an ice-cold marble bench causing my legs to go weak and I fall back. My eyes still scan the area for Sebastian but he's nowhere to be seen. Was this another way to test my humanity?

Alice leans over me, her hands firmly planted on the tops of my thighs as she stares deeply into my eyes. Her ebony hair cascades over her milky white shoulders, her skin glitters under the moonlight as though it had never seen sun.

"Do it." She commands softly, almost whispered to me. "I want you to kill me. _I need you to kill me_."

"Why?"

She is so close to my face now, I can smell her pungent soul permeating from her mouth as she breathes.

"If only you knew the life I have led – if only you knew the things that torment me, destroy me from within. I am not afraid – I'm ready." She pauses to examine my face. "You're doing me a favor."

_The life that she lead? The things that torment her_? I doubt she has seen anything nearly close to what I have – has she?

"You don't want to die, trust me." The words flew out of my mouth before I had the chance to stop them. She was my target, my quarry and she was going to die today. Why would I try to have her appreciate her life now?

Moving off of me, Alice sits down beside me, her hands on mine as she looks towards me but her gaze is right past me.

"I thought you would understand. I thought that you were here to take me – to free me." She sounds quite stern but equally her voice was so fragile.

"I am here to take you but I cannot offer you any freedom. I can only offer you death."

"My death is my freedom."

Her words are resolute, poetic and powerful and they shoot through me like a bullet – I had in fact found a soul almost like mine. It was no wonder that Sebastian found her intoxicating right from the start; she seems as desperate and as broken as I must have been when he first laid eyes on me, when he found me as desperate as I found her.

I want to pity her, I have the lingering need to comfort her but I don't. I can feel that I no longer want to comfort this other human being, what I want… I want to tear her to pieces and rip out her soul. I want to wipe her blood from my chin and toss her emptied body to the floor.

"If that is what you wish, then I will grant you your freedom." I concede, I want, _no_, I need to have her.

Her eyes meet with mine for a second, and then she glances down.

"How will you do it?" She asks, not a trace of hesitation or fear in her alto voice.

"However you like. I can make this quick and painless or as gruesome and violent as you'd like." I speak to her in pleasant tones; this is the most frank conversation I have ever had about killing someone. Most of the time, when they come before me, I am unable to control myself, no words are spoken just their futile screams as I rip them apart – clawing at their chests and plunging my hands deep inside to squeeze their souls from their hearts. Now, I'm here, just talking to her as though we were having the most polite conversation about the weather.

"If it would suit you, make it quick." She states matter of fact. I am taken aback – was this what I was like when Sebastian came to me?

"Very well, I shall make it quick then. Before I do, I have to ask – why? Why do you want to die?"

"It is quite simple, really." She turns her face to mine, "I was never meant to live in the first place. Now, will you grant me my wish?" Her words were so guileless, so honest – I decide that I don't need to ask her any more questions; it was only to sate my morbid curiosity in any case. It's not as though I actually care.

Like a tiger, I pounce, swiftly swipe my hand from under hers and grab her by the elbow, pulling her close. My rosette eyes fixate on hers as I listen to her heart race – I don't think I will ever grow tired of hearing that rhythmic pulsating beat. It was as if everything has gone into slow motion as I can see her come towards me. Her hair wafts and floats around her face and her head. Her skin flushes and prickles, her body jerks and shudders, she moistens her lips as they part and she falls forward onto me. Using my other hand, I propel her into my chest and hold on to her tightly.

I kiss her, greedily and hungrily as I force her soul from within her. It tastes debauched and depraved - simply delicious, like the most savory tawny port. She doesn't fight me, she doesn't struggle, and she just collapses into my kiss. I can taste that she was haunted, that she has experienced so much. To honor this delicious meal, I savour her and let my eyes roll back into my head – sucking hard – drawing out every last flavorful drop she has to offer. Her body becomes limp and heavy, motionless and dead as I wring her dry.

It was like an enraptured hit to the skull, I feel exhilarated and alive. I let go of her lifeless body and it falls across my lap. I push the corpse off of me and watch as it tumbles to the ground. It is amazing and oh so satisfying.

I lean back into the bench as I absorb her soul within me; this is much different than before, better. Slaughtering someone held no value to me; it was messy and undesirable but this? This is marvelous. I hum to myself with pleased satisfaction as I sense someone is near.

"Well done young Master." His voice is warm and I can sense that he is smiling even though he approaches me from behind, was he proud of me? "How was she?"

"Wonderful." I reply with a droll smile. I hazily start to sit up, it was potent and I'm dizzy.

"I watched you the whole time. You looked quite adorable with her, like you were having fun."

"_Tch,_ fun? I did exactly as you taught me and nothing more." I scoff.

I look down on her dead body with such reverence, "Thank you Alice – I hope you found the freedom you were looking for." I smile as Sebastian collects her body from the ground. He looks at me curiously as I utter those words. I suppose they were indirectly aimed at him as well. Do not worry Sebastian, I will be true to my words, I will set you free.

As he carries her off, I watch her body bounce along as if she were simply asleep. She still looks quite beautiful, tranquil and dead.

* * *

I lazily slouch along my ruby red velvet chaise longue in my townhouse. Sebastian thought that it would be best to relocate here after the ball as the servants would still be at the manor and I could be alone to enjoy whatever high was left over from my dinner from the other night.

He wasn't wrong. I feel utterly useless at the moment as I lounge here, I feel so weak but in a pleasant way – bloated and satisfied. I sprawl out on the long flat surface; putting my right arm behind my head and letting my left dangle down to the ground I close my eyes and attempt to enjoy the silence. It had been two days since I demolished Alices' soul but the effects of her were still lingering on my palate.

I'm lost in thought but I'm not thinking of anything at all, my mind is completely blank. I can still hear Alices' melodic giggling ringing through my ears as loud as if she was sat beside me but she's not. I try to concentrate on something, anything else, but I can't. Her laughter, her voice, her words are within me - I can hear her so loud and clear. It was different than all the other times, I could quiet the screams of my other victims before and never hear them again but now, she just won't leave. I groan in displeasure – _please go away Alice._ Was this residual guilt?

Whatever it is, it's clear - she's haunting me.

"Young Master, are you all right?" Sebastian stands beside me; I can feel the fabric of his trousers brush past my left hand. We're alone but still, still he calls me that.

"It's nothing." I sigh. I let my hand touch the fabric of his trousers, just above his knee, feeling the texture underneath my fingertips and Alice seems to have quieted down now. _Thank you_.

"How do you feel?" He questions me; I only open my left eye, out of habit. I watch him looking down on me, a wry smile etched on his lips as I pull on his leg, dragging him down to his knees in front of me. I have become remarkably strong over the last few weeks, much to my amusement and to his displeasure.

I have yet to over power Sebastian but I do try. We train daily to help me get used to my newfound strength and he doesn't topple me as easily as he used to. I think he can sense it; the balance of power is shifting. I am no longer a sad, desperate little child that he has to look after, watch and guard. I think that even though he resents me as a demon, I resent him for failing – he failed to uphold his end of our contact, he failed to protect me and he failed to save me. If anyone is going to be bitter here Sebastian, it's me.

"How do I feel? I feel more alive than I do dead." I stare at him. His face is unwavering as he stares back at me, it was soft but stoic as he tries to get a read of my purposefully blank expression.

"Sebastian, you want to leave me don't you?" I ask plainly.

"That was the deal of our renewed contract."

"When do you want to leave?"

"As soon as my young Master feels able enough to live on his own."

I hum an acknowledgement at his reply, it was as expected. I close my eyes again and tilt my head towards the ceiling.

"What if I told you I was able to now?" I let go of the fabric and trail my fingers down his thigh and back to my stomach, resting them there.

"I don't believe you are ready yet my lord." He spoke quite earnestly, I open my eyes again but I don't want to look at him, I didn't expect him to say that to me, I thought he would be glad to be rid of me - finally.

"What more do you have to teach me?"

Sebastian ignores me and stands up, moving away from me he goes to the window to draw the drapes; I guess it must be getting late.

"I'm going to draw your bath now."

I roll my head over to him; I can't help but be dumbfounded by his behavior.

"I don't feel like a bath now." I start to sit up, pulling at the back of the chaise long to lift myself up. I look over at him as he pulls on the cords of the tiebacks, releasing the drapes and shaking them out to ensure no outside light can come in through the gaps. "Furthermore, there are no servants here, there's no one – you do not need to be my butler here." He ignores me again – this is becoming quite an annoying little habit.

"You've had a long day today – you will need to relax. Which is why I am going to draw you a bath." He says as he leaves the room.

Perplexed, I glare at him as he leaves. I am aware that his style of teaching has actually been to torture me – I have half a mind to torment him in return but what would that serve? I feel less and less attached to him as the weeks go on; I have come to depend on him less and less.

I can do many things on my own now, such as draw my own bath, I can even dress myself – which may not seem like a big deal to some but it is to me. Still, even though I can now do all of these things for myself, he still continues to do them, he keeps pushing me to be more adult and a better demon but in the same notion he keeps infantilizing me.

Most interestingly, he doesn't push for me to release him. He must know that he still here out of mutual resentment. Was he still here to absolve for the current state that I am in? Does he pity me? Possibly not, we no longer have the capacity to care for such trivial things such as pity, not to mention that my hatred of him has started to subside, surely he can sense that.

I can't hate him any more than I hate myself for being this way. I came seeking death, just like Alice had but unlike her, I am cursed to live forever. She was fortunate, her death did in fact give her her freedom. I understand Alice so much more now, she got to be free – Sebastian is fortunate as well, he will eventually be free. Me? Well I get to watch my life disappear and die right before my eyes – just as I'd seen three years ago when they burnt down my home, when they killed my parents – I get to relive my life over and over again. This is entirely your fault Sebastian – you failed me. Still, I can't seem to let him go. Was this sentimentality or familiarity? I don't know – I can't help but keep fighting with myself over this.

We are in darkness and we are bound. Sebastian and I are bound together in the darkness, never wishing to seek out the light, but hand in hand together for all eternity. I know he won't admit this to himself but I think he needs me as much as I need him – but there is a problem, even though I can't seem to let him go, I no longer need him and I think he knows it. However, here we are, attached, stuck still relying on one another. Which one of us will release the other, I wonder. Which one of us will pull the trigger to this loaded gun?

"_Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian.._." I say silently to myself in my empty room, I feel the syllables and letters drip off of my tongue, now _that_, feels better.

"Yes my lord?" Of course, he hears me; he stands beside me – just appearing from nowhere.

I wave him off. "Nothing. It was nothing."

I hope I'm the first to pull the trigger.


	5. Chapter Four - Lost

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

Please go away.

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

She's here, I can feel her, and I can smell the perfume of her skin, the warmth of her cheek as it presses against me. Her thoughts are my thoughts as I hear her utter my name, constantly, repetitively – she is unyielding and will not let me go.

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

Deep within me, she's in me; I can feel her, penetrating and clawing at my psyche. Tugging, pulling, ripping and wrenching me apart from the inside.

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

Please Alice, please leave me. I did what you asked, I gave you your freedom now just give me mine.

Suddenly, she's quiet and finally silence descends upon the room.

I lay here, motionless and numb. It has been six months since I turned and now everything has been put into place for my death. I sent Sebastian out to deliver the news to my so-called friends and my family; he added the elegant touch of giving them each the gift of candy, as it was one of my favorite human vices, something to remember me by.

Everything is prepared for my human demise, I have changed my will, given the servants Phantomhive manor, the townhouse will be sold, my family ring has been gifted to Lizzie, Funtom has been moved into the charge of a factious holding company that I will still control – except I will be using a proxy for the time being. I've also stipulated that I do not want a funeral – that was mischievous foreshadowing on my part – why have a funeral when there won't be a body to bury? In any case, there is nothing left for me here anymore, Sebastian took care of all of that and I can now 'die' in peace.

Pulling the sheets up to my chin, I snuggle in deeper, taking a moment to enjoy this time alone. It's boring. I decide that it's time to get up; I can see the sunlight find its way through the cracks in the drapes and spill over everything in my empty, packed up room. I don't know why I bother to keep up the pretense of sleep; ever since I changed I never need to. I never feel tired or exhausted but now I just lay here, awake and being tormented by the melodic voice of Alice constantly calling my name.

Sitting up in bed, I stretch out, I can feel my bones and muscles snap into place and start to work. Yesterday was another training day as I've learned to become much stronger. I can now command with my voice, my touch can now tantalize and even though this body is young, I hold so much power within me that I have even started to frighten myself – it was exhilarating – I am now a demon.

Getting out of bed, I walk over to my wardrobe, which holds only one outfit, as I wasn't intending to stay here in this townhouse for too much longer. I take it out, tossing it onto the bed and as I start to walk towards it, I unbutton my nightshirt – preparing to dress myself. He's back, I can smell him. I've grown accustomed to his familiar scent and I can sense his presence a mile away.

"Can I help you with anything my lord?" Sebastian asks as he appears in the doorway. He leans against it with smug smile as he crosses his arms, watching me.

"No. I can dress myself just fine thank you." I shrug. Even though, in my mind, our newly revised contract is now coming to an end, Sebastian still hasn't mentioned anything about our deal. I am more than surprised by this as his treatment of me hasn't changed – his disdain for me hasn't either.

I know I'm like a bitter taste in his mouth – one he cannot seem to get rid of but still, he hasn't killed me so I suppose this is what they would call progress.

Although in this time, he has slowly started to stop being more of my butler and more of, well, I don't know what to call us – our mutual distaste for one another doesn't exactly make us friends but here we are. We train together; hunt together and more often than not, we kill together.

Sliding my black wool breeches up and around my waist, I tuck in my white shirttails and fasten the waistband around me. I gaze over the rest of the ensemble, thinking to myself, waistcoat, no waistcoat – waistcoat. Picking it up, I slip it on over my lithe frame and quickly button it. Reaching down for my ribbon tie, I can't find it – I'm pretty sure it was just sitting here. Sebastian holds out his hand with my tie dangling in his fingers and smiles. He moves so swiftly, it's impressive. Slowly moving towards me, he stops in front of me, reaches out and lifts up my collar. Gliding the ribbon around my throat, he starts to tie my tie. I frown at this notion as he only lets me get so far and then he takes the rest from me – as if I still need to be coddled. I don't but I don't hate the familiarity of the routine either.

I realize that I will miss him, the camaraderie, the acquaintance and the company. I have been thinking about this a lot over the last few months and I believe that I am ready to say good-bye. As I let my mind become pre-occupied with this current thought, I look up at him, his face seems worried – almost sad – this is amusing.

"Well, spit it out." I demand as I know there is something weighing on his mind.

"My lord, I know you didn't want a funeral but the Marchioness has decided to override your wishes and is holding a memorial service for you." He sighed heavily.

"She what?" I huff and stare back at him, trying to read his facial expression.

"When I went to deliver the news, she demanded that we had one as it was only proper – you were an Earl after all."

I move over to my bed and sit down. I pause for a moment and then continue to finish dressing, grabbing a sock from next to me and pulling it over my foot.

"Typical Aunt Francis _– honestly_." I exhale as I start to pull my socks up underneath my knee.

"She's also asked me to give the eulogy because she said that I was the closest person to you." Sebastian couldn't help but let his face show how completely charmed he was by the whole thing.

Groaning loudly, I throw myself back onto the bed, my hands covering my eyes as I try to process all of this. The weight on the bed starts to shift as Sebastian leans over me, pulling my hands from my face.

"Don't worry; I'll say wonderful things about you my lord." His grin was something the Cheshire cat would be proud to boast.

"I don't doubt that." I push him off of me; he stands to his feet and straightens out his tailcoat. I sit up, sharply; the motion causes Sebastian to step back a bit. "I want to go." I announce.

"My lord?"

"To my funeral, I want to go."

* * *

Southwark Cathedral is beautifully decorated in my favorite white roses. It is absolutely elegant as they have lined the rows of pews and the pulpit. As there was no body, Aunt Francis has opted for a simple floral display of white roses and white calla lilies on an exquisitely laid out table, the most striking thing on that table being the massive silver cross that sat just behind the flowers and the two matching candle sticks on either side.

It was strange to be in this house of God when I was one of the things that the devoted despise – a soulless demon, evil itself – or that's at least what I like to believe I am now. Still, it was comforting to be here, sat by myself in the back corner pew. It was dark here as all the light that poured in through the stained glass windows was concentrated at the altar – not a lot of work had gone into the back so I was sat quietly in the shadows. I wonder, just how many Phantomhives have been memorialized in this church? I am the last – the name dies with me.

I had to disguise myself, for obvious reasons, so I was wearing a black top hat with laced tulle that draped over my head and face but I could still see out. Sebastian was at the front having his life squeezed out of him by a wailing Prince Soma. I chuckle as I see his servant Angi struggle in his attempt to peel him off of him. I half expected Soma to gnash his teeth and render his garments, as they would have done in biblical times but, alas, no such luck as Angi managed to get a firm grip on his lord and yank him off.

I continue to look around the room and my eyes land on Lizzie; she sits so still and lifeless, almost just as I'd left her several months before. She is sitting in the front pews alone, even her maid Paula was not with her, but sat in the row directly behind her. I could see the sadness in her once illuminated green eyes – now they looked very dull. She was wearing my ring on her black-gloved left ring finger, it suited her so well. Aunt Francis who was also sitting right behind Lizzie was stoically shedding a tear or two – no doubt because I was the very last of the Phantomhive name, especially as she was now a Midford and the remains of her brother – whom she never spoke about after his death – are now being buried. She would never show or speak of it but I think my fathers' death had a profound effect on her. She was always a stern woman but when her brother died, I think a part of her died too.

This must be what it's like for Lizzie.

Sebastian is right, her part in my relatively short life will be nothing more than a distant memory to me and in the future she'll be fine, she'll forget about me soon enough. She'll grow up, become betrothed to someone else, marry that someone else and bear his children. Her mind will be preoccupied with the thoughts of her new life and her new family and I will just be nothing more than a distant memory. At least I can take some kind of solace in that.

Sebastian went over to the pulpit to give his eulogy. He refused to share any of it with me as he wanted it to be a surprise when I first heard it but surely even he must have realized that I wouldn't be giving it my full attention. I would just be watching everyone's' reactions, I was quite sure that this place would be filled with nothing more than people who wanted to prove to themselves that I was actually dead. No such luck, the people here seem genuinely saddened by their loss – it was pathetic. One of the things I realized is that death is an inevitable part of life and there is nothing you can do to stop it or prolong it. I knew that from the moment the fire engulfed the manor – I knew that death was always in my future.

"_Well now_, fancy meeting you here."

"What are you doing here?" I hiss under my breath not bothering to turn to him.

"I could say the same of you." He replied drolly.

"This is my funeral."

"And I've come to pay my respects. Although, I can't say that I'm not disappointed you haven't actually died – after all, I had a coffin made up especially for you. You would have liked it." Undertaker giggles lightly to himself. I can't say that I understand him or his eccentricities but he has been kind to me in the past.

"Will you miss me?" I smile dryly at him, even though I know he can't see my face.

"Possibly, you've provided me with endless hours of entertainment. Well, you and your butler. I wonder – what's going to become of him once you're gone?"

I turn to him, "He'll do what he's always done and move on. I imagine it would be the same had he have taken my soul. What a ridiculous thing to ponder over." I scoff. I never knew how but Undertaker was always either keenly perceptive or incredibly well connected in the underworld to know most of my secrets and especially of my new deal with Sebastian. Even though he was thoroughly obnoxious, he could see things that others couldn't – always one step ahead.

Undertaker puts his hand on my knee and lightly taps it as if trying to console me, for whatever reason – I'm not even the slightest bit upset.

"I warned you. I warned you not to give away your soul and look what's happened to you." He was quite serious, something I had never seen before, his face didn't budge as he kept his head and his eyes forward. "I knew – I knew all along but it was too late for you I suppose." He seems to be thinking aloud as he whispered that final thought. I can't help but shrug.

"I'm not going to say that this was what I wanted, I would have much rather have been buried in one of your coffins but I made my deal and sealed my fate."

"You wanted to become a demon?"

"No – this fate was chosen for me. Completely taken out of my hands."

Undertaker hummed at my response. "I suppose it always was." He moved his hand from my knee and to his chin.

"What do you mean by that?"

"What? Oh, nothing really – it's just that in a way, you were always a little like him." He nods his head towards Sebastian. "So, I suppose this was always meant to be your fate – whether you realized it or not." He stops, contemplating something but he wasn't about to let me in on it. Instead we both sat in silence as we watched my former butler give the eulogy of a lifetime – my lifetime at least.

Perhaps Undertaker was right; perhaps I was fated to be a demon. I don't know, it was never anything I wished to dwell on, especially over these last six months. Whatever, it doesn't actually matter, I don't believe in fate or destiny in any case. What good is free will when you have fate and what good is fate when you have free will – what good is either when you don't have the power to control neither?

_'Ciel, Ciel, Ciel...'_

Not now Alice, please.

Whenever I think of fate or free will, my thoughts often return to Alice – she took both into her small hands and was able to control it – she chose her destiny by using her free will – she chose me and by choosing me, she chose death. I admire her for that, perhaps that's why she's still with me? It doesn't matter. As I sit here and listen to Sebastian pontificate about a life that was meant to be mine but didn't sound anything at all like it – I couldn't help but feel lost. Once again, I have no home to go to, no place to be and not much to look forward to. As I sit here thinking about what I no longer have, I also realize that there is something I was going to have to add to my list. I am now going to be alone as I want to release Sebastian from our contract.

This memorial service marks the end of my transition from my old life into my new one and I am ready to do it alone.

At the end of the memorial, I stand aside in the shadows and watch the people from my past approach and console Sebastian, my ever-dutiful butler. He is brilliant, quite the actor, I must say. He feigns sadness better than the actual mourners as each of them come over to pay their respects. I overhear someone actually offer him a job – to which he politely declines. Everyone once and a while, I see him look over towards me – was he checking up on me? Making sure I was alright? What a ridiculous notion.

Undertaker, who had stayed beside me throughout the whole service giggles quietly to himself as he watches the servants openly weep and hug him tightly.

"They were always like this, even when I wasn't dead." I snort as Angi pulls yet another person off of Sebastian.

"Well, I must be off – I put this whole shindig together for your Aunt you know. Now I have to take it down and over to your empty grave."

"Can I see it?"

"Your grave?"

"Yes."

"_Fufufu_, how morbidly maudlin. Unfortunately not, you see it's at the former Phantomhive manor and you're supposed to be dead."

Ah, yes that's right – I'm supposed to be dead now.

* * *

"America?"

"Yes."

"Why can't just I stay in London?" I pout, lying down on my bed, flat out on my back. I cover my face with my pillow as, on occasion; I still like to behave like a child.

"Because my lord, you have died now – what if you were still around and possibly spotted then what would all of this have been for?"

"Fine but why not some place in Europe? Like Paris?" I suggest – well, I do speak French; it seems like the most natural place to be.

Sebastian leans over me and pulls the pillow from me. I can see his smile, bright and exuberant, he already has a place in mind.

"I heard there is a place in America that is full of sin and debauchery, I think that would be a perfect place for us to start anew." I sit up instantly.

"Us?"

"Of course, you don't think that I would let you do this on your own do you?"

"Well, yes." I pause for a moment. "Sebastian, don't you think it's time that I release you? You have upheld your end of our contract and I can now live successfully without you."

"I don't think you're ready yet." He has said this so many times to me over the last few months I feel like it's starting to lose it's meaning.

"If it's about your sense of responsibility for me being in this state-"

"Is that what you think?" He seems almost offended. I can feel him staring at me but I don't want to look at him. This whole situation was confusing to say the least.

"Isn't it why you're still here?"

"No." He sighed.

"Then what is it? You have done nothing but torture and torment me from the moment I turned and I'm now saying that you're free to leave me. You are free Sebastian – I release you from our contract." I try to reiterate as firmly as I can.

Sebastian simply stands and walks towards the middle of the room and suddenly stops.

"_Hm._ You must not mean it." He said resolutely.

"What do you mean? Of course I do."

He smirks wryly as he starts to take off his gloves. I watch him as he does this, pulling them off of his long slender fingers and looking at the back of his left hand. Holding it up, he reveals that our contract is still intact. "If you want me to be free, you have to mean it." He says solemnly.

Walking towards the door, he halts for a moment, "I will make all of the necessary arrangements and we can set sail for New Orleans tomorrow." He drums the fingers of his left hand on the doorframe as he leaves the room. I watch him leave, my eyes never deviating from the door.

I thought I did mean it.


	6. Chapter Five - Si dur d'etre seul

It has been several weeks since we set sail towards America. Sebastian very quickly took care off all of the arrangements for us; I didn't have to lift a finger not that I had to or wouldn't have wanted to help out. Not that it matters now, I'm sat on the bed attempting to read a book in my cabin and I am alone. I feel cramped, confined, and caged, even though it is the largest cabin on this ship, but I haven't left the room and the walls are starting to cave in on me.

It was my choice to lock myself up – I haven't fed since we left Liverpool and I'm starving. When I'm like this, I don't trust myself around others, especially as if I were to feed, the ship would be a passenger down and that would raise suspicions. I don't have the patient resolve that Sebastian has to wait. _Hmm,_ _Sebastian…_

I haven't spoken to Sebastian since we set sail from Liverpool, the train ride up was silent and the current journey is mute. Getting our own separate cabins was a stroke of genius on his part because if I had to lay eyes on him I would just as soon rip his head off – and I'm very sure the sentiment is mutual. It has become abundantly clear that he still blames me for not being able to release him from our current contract – despite the fact that since then, I have declared his freedom – both aloud and silently to myself, however, with each attempt, the results are the same.

Perhaps I should try again.

Putting the book down, I slide off of the bed and walk over to the dressing table. I place my palms flat down amongst the accoutrements that I brought along, causing some to fall over. I stare at myself hard in the mirror; my eyes have changed over to the glistening demonic version that I have become so accustomed to. I blink and change them back to blue – with my contract seal still blazed onto my right eye. I try to concentrate; I focus on breaking this seal and the contract that binds us.

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

Damn it, not now Alice – let me focus, I need to focus. She still invades my thoughts, holding my mind prisoner.

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

I hear her loudly and I claw at the wood beneath my fingers in frustration.

'_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel…_'

Alice – go away!

'_No._'

What?

She laughs, her mocking trill a melody that I enjoyed when I first met her but currently it feels like a curse, something I am forced to endure whenever she takes over. I'm angry now, I want her to leave me be – I need to focus; I need, I need… _what do I need_?

I grab one of the crystal objects from off of the dressing table and with a frustrated guttural shout; I throw it at the mirror. The shards fall like glittering raindrops over the tabletop and onto the floor. I clutch some of the remnants in my hand, squeezing them tightly. I feel each blade of glass pierce my flesh and I can smell the rich fragrance of iron and my blood starts to pour out. Give me my mind back. My body involuntarily shakes and quivers as though I'm going to cry – but of course, I can't.

'_Call him_.' She instructs as though she knows that he is exactly what I need in this moment in time.

"_Sebastian…_" I whisper, my knees go weak from the pain in my hands and I slump over, crashing down to the ground amongst the broken glass.

"What on Earth have you done to yourself my lord?" He purrs, although his voice is devoid of any emotion or concern. He tries to help me up but I swat him away, this much, I can do myself.

"What are you doing here?" I hiss as I struggle to my feet amongst the broken glass. Sebastian sits down on the chair next to the bed; he crosses his legs and folds his arms as he watches me struggle.

"You called me young master – and with that, I came." He speaks smoothly, and I glance over at him to catch his raised eyebrow. I must look pathetic to him as I finally get up to my feet and stumble over to the bed. I sit down with my back to him and I look down at my hands – not a scratch, I heal so quickly now.

Moments go by and we don't say anything to each other at all. I did in fact call him but I don't know what to say, he came to me but he can't say anything either. The uncomfortable silence envelopes the room like a snug blanket on a cold winter's day.

"After the funeral, I could smell him on you." Sebastian began. I smile to myself as I know exactly who he's speaking about.

"Who?" I reply innocently.

"You know exactly who. Do not play games with me; I'm not in the mood." He says firmly, when has he ever been _in the mood_ lately?

"What does it matter? He sat next to me, kept me company, said I was like you even before I had died." I ramble as I examine my hands again. Even when I was alive, Sebastian loathed Undertaker – all of the reapers to be precise. He found them to be cumbersome, nosy and obnoxious. However, when it came down to Undertaker, he disliked him the most – he knew of Undertakers warning to me about my soul, Sebastian was stood right there. "Why would you care anyway?"

"Do not mistake my question as concern – I don't care, not in the slightest but you should be weary of him. That man lives in the underworld and he does not do anything without motive."

Motive? What would his motive be, I wonder.

"He didn't appear to have any motive, as you put it, he just seemed sad for me." That was the truth. All Undertaker did was sit next to me, he patted my knee, he sighed and he said that he knew. At first I thought he was comforting me but I think he was really just sad that this was how I ended up, he must have seen this with my predecessor and all the Phantomhives before that as death lurked behind each of our corners – waiting to snatch us into the night.

"He seemed sad for you?" Sebastian snorts, which causes the fine hairs on my neck to stand on end – as if someone pitying me was such a bad thing.

"Truth be told, I think he did you know. I feel bad for me too."

"Oh?"

"I told him that I would have preferred to have been buried in one of his coffins and not to be like this." I sigh, leaning back onto my elbows on the bed. It's strange, this is the first time we'd spoken to each other in the last month and this is what we decide to talk about. Motive? What is he trying to get out of me anyway – my conversation with Undertaker was perfectly innocent and if he didn't care then what was this all about?

"Would you rather be dead?" He asks coldly. What? Does he now think that I've been done some sort of favor? I can hear him shift in the chair, each ruffle of fabric echoes clearly in my ears.

"You know I would." I spit, "I hate being a demon, I hate having to have left my home, my family and my life. I'm locked up in this room because I can't control myself and I hate the voices that constantly haunt me – what kind of eternity is this for me?" I bark, sitting upright again and folding my arms tightly against my chest. In truth, I don't really care either way – to be dead or to be a demon, I'm not bothered either way – I feel like I should be but what bothers me the most is the fact that I had to leave everything behind. If I were dead, actually dead, this wouldn't have been a problem – I wouldn't have had to watch my life go on without me.

Sebastian is stood in front of me in an instant; placing his hands on the tops of my knees, he kneels down in between my legs and stares at me. Is he trying to comfort me? For someone who couldn't care less about my existence, he is being quite abhorrent with the amount of feigned pity he doles out when he feels like it. I still realize that I am upset at the notion of still being alive; I thought this feeling would have gone, wasted away just like my humanity but no such luck. Every time I look at him, the hatred resurfaces, like right now.

"_Why…?_" The word comes out in shaky tones.

"My lord?"

"Why didn't you take my soul when you had the chance?" I ask. I know we have been through this time and time again but I needed to hear it once more, I felt like there was something missing.

"I've told you before."

"Well tell me again. Tell me until I tire of hearing it." I demand. Sebastian rolls his eyes and sighs as though the weight of the world was pressing on his chest.

"You knew that I couldn't – because the arm that had our contract seal was temporarily missing."

"You told me that demons don't need a contract to take a soul – just as I took Alices' and everyone else's." This still doesn't seem right to me somehow – seal or no seal, he could have taken my soul.

"Well, before I had the chance, Claude had used the opportunity of my missing arm to take your soul from me."

"What happened to my soul?" He could have taken my soul at any time after that.

"Claude took it and hid it from me. Everything I've done from then on was to get it back."

"But once you did."

"Once I did, I gave it back to you but it seemed that you had lost your memories, especially the one where you had in fact achieved your revenge."

"Again, why didn't you take my soul when you had the chance? You knew that I had realized my revenge, you knew what had happened to me – if you took my soul – you could have prevented this, all of this from happening and you could have been free."

There it was – glaring at me in the face – so clear it was transparent, I figured it out, I didn't notice it until now but…

"You… _lied_ to me." I spit, leaping to my feet, knocking him over. I stand above him with my fists balled tightly. It seems my knight has played me as a pawn all along. "I asked only three things of you: that you protect me and never betray me, that you obey my orders unconditionally and that you never lie – you've broken each of those orders. I ordered you to take my soul - you didn't, you were to protect me - you didn't and you were never to lie to me – you did!"

"And how did I lie to you?" He seems amused by this.

"_Alois_!" I hiss. "You lied about my revenge! You made me believe that the Earl Trancy killed my parents – you knew the truth all along – you manipulated me and you betrayed me!" I am hysterical at this point, fuming at being treated like a fool this whole time. I grab the closest thing to me; the book that I was reading which still lay on the bed. I hurl the book at him in anger, he just swats it away and looks at me with a distant, stony look on his face – it was almost as though he couldn't care less, in fact, _I know_ he couldn't care less. What more could I have expected from a demon?

'_I tried to tell you… all along… remember?_' Those words, I hear them – the words… _the voice_… it's different from Alice, it's strange and yet very familiar. I grip my head, pressing my palms to my temples and squeezing it tightly as I try to remember, my mind searches but it cannot find that thought.

"I wanted you to realize your revenge." Sebastian starts to stand up and he moves towards me.

"I already had." I pause, "_Tch_. So this is what you meant about cultivating my soul – if I hadn't remembered that I got my revenge, then what good was my soul it to you? I thought that I hadn't and you made me re-exact my revenge – well, I wonder what that would have tasted like? _You're no better than Claude - you both were like vultures. You disgust me!_" I am spitting venom now.

Within a second, he is on me, pinning me down to the ground. I can feel my shoulders starting to dislocate under the weight of his pressure. Wrapping my small hands around his wrists I burrow my blackened nails into them, clawing and digging until his blood drips out and runs down onto my shoulders. Focusing my strength, I manage to pull his hands off of me and I throw him back against the dresser, causing him to land on the broken shards of mirror. Before he can move, I'm on him like a shot, using my forearm to hold him down by his throat. There is a full bottle of Claret that has fallen on its side during the tussle, I take it by the neck and smash the body against corner of the dresser, the wine spilled over the floor like a blood bath – there soon will be.

Gripping it tightly, I hold the neck and angle the jagged edges towards his chest underneath me. Can I kill him? Is it possible to kill him? He senses my hesitation and launches me back. I fly up and over the bed, hitting the wall and sliding down it, off of the bed and onto the floor. I struggle to open my eyes, when I do; I see his shoes – freshly polished - black and shiny. Perhaps he's going to kill me now? Fine – do it and make it quick.

I don't even struggle to get up and I don't bother to move. He pulls at my shirt, hauling me to my feet with one hand and heaving me back onto the bed. My body flops over like a rag doll, as I feel dazed from the excursion.

"You're weak." He says bluntly as he crawls onto the bed and hovers on top of me, his left hand pressing against my bruised clavicle, causing me to wince in pain and his right hand in on my chest, holding me down. "I could kill you right now." He growls, staring at me straight in the eyes – unflinching.

"Then do it." I snidely retort, "you want to don't you?" I take his hands from the top of my chest and clavicle; I place them on my throat, "erase my wretched existence." I press my fingers into his, pushing into my thorax, "it's what I deserve, isn't it?" I lay still as his hands tighten their grip onto my throat, his thumbs massage my Adams apple –_ finally_ – he's going to end things.

Instead, he backs off of me, dismounting and standing by the bed. He straightens down his waistcoat; smoothing the wrinkles of his coat and running his hands through his inky black hair. I roll my head over towards him as I silently curse him for letting me live. His eyes narrow as they fixate on mine and weary smile crawls over his lips, "Killing you now would be a wasted effort." He snorts.

I roll my head back up to look at the ceiling as he turns and walks towards the door.

"Sebastian." I call out, still looking up; I hear his footsteps as they stop. "I will try and find a way to break this contract once we get to New Orleans. I promise – and I don't lie."

He chuckles a little under his breath.

"Since I met you my lord, all you've ever done is lie." His voice is cloying and sweet as he walks out of the door, gently closing it behind him

Undertaker was right; I am no better than him.

* * *

We finally arrive in New Orleans – this place is, well, crowded. Seemingly much more crowded than London to say the least. There is a whole mixture of different people; languages and cultures all huddled together in one port. I can hear the rich sounds of brass instruments being played along the dockside and smell something that is almost akin to curry being cooked in nearby restaurants. The French influence is heavy and can be seen throughout, as there is a light Provençal touch to everything. Even the clothing is different. Not the somber dark tones of England but light and airy lavenders and yellows – Lizzie would love a dress from here.

Stepping down the jetty to the dock I can see that Sebastian has already beaten me to it, my luggage has already found its way off of the ship on onto a carriage and I make my way over.

"Prendete noi lì per favore?" He asks the driver in what I think is Italian – never my strong suit but his accent is impeccable, he sounds native. The man looks at the map Sebastian is holding, nods and mutters '_Si, si_.' as I approach. Sebastian opens the door to the carriage and helps me in; he then comes in and sits opposite me.

We haven't actually spoken since the other week when I thought he would kill me. I have been racking my brain to think of ways we can get out of our contract as, I think now, our grudge towards one another will come to one of our ends and I get the sinking suspicion that it could be mine. Still, we can't go on like this any further; he is, until I can sort this out, my companion for the time being. Even though I no longer trust him. Sebastian is someone I entrust my life to and unbeknown to me, he was the one thing that I should have never trusted at all. However, I need to make the best of this situation.

"Where are we going?" I sigh, I may as well be the first to break the silence but I'll be even more damned if I look at him whilst I do it so I keep my head looking out of the window.

"I found a rather nice hotel to stay at until I can find someplace for us to live. Which would you prefer a town house or a plantation?"

"Plantation?" I have never heard of that word before. "If it's as big as the manor in England then I would really rather stay in a townhouse." I don't think I wish to repeat the same lifestyle I had back in England – in fact, I know I don't – that me has died along with the image.

"Townhouse it is then." Sebastians' voice was different now, it seemed cheery – why the sudden change from wanting my death to now?

"Why are you so happy?"

"Oh, it's nothing really – I think it's this place." I assume he's smiling as I still refuse to look at him.

"What is it about this place that makes you happy?"

"Well, they say in New Orleans, sin is in."

I huff aloud. What a crude and vulgar thought but still – a happy Sebastian is a less menacing Sebastian and I may be able to live another day.

Looking out of the window, I think I am suitably impressed with New Orleans, it is much different than London but not something I couldn't get used to and if I'm going to spend my time, however long that may be, here then I want to explore. Everything looks so rich and vibrant; there are side streets and cafes, women with large hats and bustles and men with tight fitting waistcoats and top hats. I stare at them as though I have never seen humans before but they are a sight to see - like brightly colored marionettes.

We pull up outside a massive two storey Antebellum home. It is very reminiscent of Victorian architecture and for only a moment, I miss London. Sebastian helps me out of the carriage and we both walk into the magnificent hotel. Beautiful white columns are decorated throughout, ornate chandeliers hang above and a floor of perfectly shined black marble. I can see why Sebastian chose this place; it is ostentatious yet impressively elegant.

I wait aside one of the columns as Sebastian gets the keys to our rooms and a porter brings in our luggage. Keys in hand, we are escorted to our rooms. I can't help but be thoroughly anxious and excited about our stay here, I've only ever been to Paris – this, this was thrilling, I couldn't wait to go out and explore, to search and to uncover all of what this town has to offer.

Sebastian opens the door to my room and I walk in.

The room is discerningly decorated, almost like it was done to suit my tastes. Dark wooden walls and furniture throughout, a large mahogany desk to the right, a large bed with navy blue and white sheets and duvet – even the drapes seem vaguely familiar, they are similar to the brocade midnight blue drapes that I had back at the manor. To top it all off, to the right of the bed, there is a large vase full of white roses. Walking over to it, I realize that Sebastian has recreated the best aspects of my old home.

I touch the soft petals of the roses and try to stifle the charmed smile that was aching to be drawn on my lips.

"Why?" That was the only thing I could think to say.

"I thought that you would take your new life better if you felt at home." He shrugged.

I hum at his reply.

"How?"

"I have connections."

"Thank you." I didn't know what else to say.

"Also, you had a birthday my lord, before we left, you turned fourteen. Many happy returns." He smiles; I suppose I'm not the only one with lingering sentimentality. With my actual death and fictitious funeral I just forgot – these things mean nothing to me now and they will continue to mean nothing in the future. He takes my luggage from the middle of the room and starts to move them to the side. "You must be tired, you should get some rest." He suggests as he opens one of my luggage trunks and starts to unpack.

I turn to him, plucking a petal from one of the rose heads and rubbing it firmly between my thumb and index finger to release the oils and revealing its scent.

"I'm not tired." I state plainly, he doesn't pay any attention as he just sets about unpacking my things.

"What are you then?"

"I'm hungry." My voice is firm as I lean against the table, smelling the crushed petal.

"Are you now?" I can see him smile broadly.

"Well, you said that in New Orleans sin is in – let's see how messy we can get."

Well, I am a demon after all.


	7. Chapter Six - Mauvaise âme

The sun is so bright; the rays blind me as I turn down the busy street corner and onto a quiet side street. I love to walk around outside – this is a new found freedom that I have never experienced before and I am smitten with the feeling. I have never had the familiarity of any area to walk around unaccompanied before and this town excites me.

Every turn of the corner leads me onto to something different, something new. Vibrantly colored wooden buildings stacked on top of one another with massive archways that turn into balconies. Rows and rows of these buildings packed full of shops; shoe shops, bookshops, hat shops and green grocers. I enjoy passing the shops as these streets always serve as a pulse to the town, coursing the lifeblood throughout. Children are laughing and playing, there is music leaking out of every pub and bar and the fragrant spicy smell of Cajun cuisine is ubiquitous

Horse drawn carriages clamor and clack over the rough cobbled pavements, there are so many different languages spoken, so many immigrants with more coming in by the day from the port - each bringing new ideas and their various cultures to this wonderful melting pot.

I love it here, I find that I am so happy that I could skip along these cobbled roads and narrow side streets and never be bored. I love it all and I love the fact that I am alone.

Sebastian never comes with me when I explore the town – it isn't that he doesn't want to, I don't want him to. I want him to stop being my butler and to stop following me around like a well trained dog. When I lived in England, he was my butler, he was obligated to follow me – probably because I was always in imminent danger but here, there is no need. No one knows me and I don't know anyone here. I am anonymous, no one, not an Earl or a Phantomhive, not even Ciel – I am just me, whoever I am now and this town accepts me for that.

However, the only way I could get Sebastian to agree to leave me be, is to promise that all I need to do is call and he will appear. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that.

* * *

Finding a quaint café, I order a pot of tea and sit outside. I never really enjoyed the sun before but I can't seem to get enough of it these days. Perhaps it was because I had locked myself away in my cabin on the ship or maybe, even more likely, is that England harbored nothing but slate grey skies and rain.

In any case, I lean back in my chair and raise my face to the sky, soaking up as much as I can on this chilly spring day. The waitress comes over to me, interrupting my basking and sits the tray down in front of me, she offers to make my tea but I decline – let's be honest, I'm not really going to drink it anyway. Taking her leave, I look over what she has presented and I begin to prepare the tea myself. What a novel experience. I sift the leaves into the pot of hot water and allow it to steep. There is a small hourglass beside the cup and I turn it over and watch as the sand slowly drains down to the bottom.

In this moment, I cannot help myself as my thoughts drift to Sebastian.

'_You have to break the contract_.'

Yes Alice, I know I do.

'_You have to break the contract_.' Another voice repeats.

I understand.

Over these last few weeks, I have been what could be considered as happy. It's funny; the feeling is so foreign to me that I wasn't absolutely sure what it was that's come over me. When was the last time I was happy? I think it was when I was snuggled up with my parents in bed, there was as thunderstorm and I was scared. My mother reached out to me and my father smiled as he helped me up – I was so very small then. Their arms surrounded and enveloped me, keeping me warm and safe. I know then, I was truly happy.

I could feel this sense of contentment again as I was getting into the rhythm of being a demon and hitting my stride. I was even getting stronger and starting to take over Sebastian – which has only caused him to be annoyed and if I can annoy him then I enjoy myself all the more. Our relationship has become quite strained. I allow him to go off to do God knows what without me and he is the same, we try to spend as little time together as possible as it always just ends up in resentment, arguing and his overwhelming desire to snuff out my existence.

Still, he's always around me, ever present even when he thinks I don't notice. He allows me to do these jaunts on my own but I think he sometimes forgets that I can smell him, sense him close to me – I always know he's there. Not today though, today, I feel truly alone.

Even though he can do whatever it is that he does, he comes back quickly. He says it's for my benefit but I'm better off without him and now that I've learned how to exist on my own, feed on my own and survive on my own - I don't need him around anymore. However, as much as I try, I cannot seem to break our contract. Not for want of trying, I've never been so desperate to do anything in my entire life.

The timer is up. I put the strainer into the porcelain cup and pour the tea in, turning my nose up at the pungent smell. Sitting the pot back down, I lift the strainer out and set it aside and stare at the sienna liquid in the cup, I would drink it but I know that it would be disgusting. There's no one around me anyway so I just lean back in the chair, close my eyes and put my face back up towards the warmth of the sun.

I could hear footsteps approach me and stop. The clacking sounds of the shoes on the cobbles were light and staccato, which meant they belonged to a woman. I don't think to open my eyes, as I can almost be assured that it is a prostitute. New Orleans is a nice town but there seems to be a seedier side of it that I am not quite used to. I hear her ruffle her sleeves and a fragrance of patchouli emanates from her skin – well, at least she doesn't smell like a prostitute.

She clears her throat, almost as if she is summoning my attention. I open my left eye into a narrow slit and roll it into her direction. She has light brown skin and jet black, curly hair that pokes out of some strange ethnic head wrap. Her dress is black and tight at the top but the skirt is belled out. She smiles at me as she adjusts the gold embroidered orange shawl that is draped around her shoulders. She tilts her head from side to side as she examines me, and then lets out an airy chuckle.

"_Well now_, who is hauntin' you demon?" She asks. Both of my eyes fly open and I quickly sit forward – stunned.

"W-what?"

"_I said_, who is hauntin' you?" She grins as she folds her arms across her chest.

"No, the last part."

"Demon?" I nod at that word.

"Why would you call me that?" I hesitate and look around to see if anyone had heard her, of course not, there's no one around. The woman chuckles and takes the empty seat next to me. Who is this woman and what exactly is she doing? She places her elbows on the table and leans over.

"Well, that's what you is, right? You a demon." She points at me. Her voice is heavy with a French accent and drawls, I stumble for words but my mind can't seem to reach them. "Com'mon mon petit chou, you can't deny it – I can tell."

"A-are you one too?" I hesitate. Does she want to fight? I've never gotten into a fight with another demon other than Sebastian before. She leans back and shakes her head no, I don't think is going to do me any harm but I didn't know what she was and how she knew that I was a demon. Looking down on my cup of tea, she picks it up and swirls it around, then draws it up to her nose and sniffs it.

"Oh, this is no good." She laughs as she sits the cup back down.

"What is no good?"

"This here. This is no good for a demon – you can't taste it, right?" Her voice is cheerful and nonchalant, as though speaking with a demon is just an everyday occurrence.

"N-no, I guess I can't." I reply.

Laughing again, she slaps the tops of her knees and stands to her feet, moving back in front of me, she holds out her hand for mine.

"Come demon, I make you a nice cup of tea; you'd like that, non?" She flicks her hand back and forth, beckoning for me to come along with her.

"I don't even know who you are and how did you know I am a demon?"

"I don't even know who you is but I can see that you are haunted, child, and I can help, now come." She commands. I don't move, which causes her face to scrunch up and frown in disapproval. "I am Marie Laveau and I'm well known round these parts, in fact all Louisiana. I am the Voodoo Queen." She smiles. I know of voodoo, Sebastian told me about it in derogatory terms when we arrived but he didn't tell me that they could figure out someone like me. I decide to go with her, what does it matter anyway, I could easily overpower her and possibly get a good meal out of her if needs be and if all else fails, if I need Sebastian, all I need do, is call – although I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that.

* * *

Near the French Quarter, the house of the Voodoo Queen of Louisiana is unlike any one I've ever been in before. I sit on her davenport, which is an odd bluish grey color and I fidget as I look around nervously. Her house is very strange; it is dark, as the heavy crimson drapes covering her windows are drawn. There are little dolls and sacks of things everywhere. Books, copious amounts of books, decorate her tables and other chairs, as do shawls of various colors. Amulets, charms and statues are also scattered throughout as well as roots and numerous herbs. The whole place reeks of patchouli oil and lavender, which turns my stomach.

Marie walks out of her kitchen carrying a tray with two separate pots of tea and two cups and sits it down in front of me on the table. She takes off the lid to one of them and sniffs the vapors.

"This one's yours." She motions as she places the lid back on. I nod and take the pot from the tray, the smell was quite neutral and I pour it into my cup, the liquid is almost clear as I take the cup closer to my face for inspection. Interesting, it has no real smell and almost no color. I can see her watching me as I go through a ritual that is so familiar to me but I haven't done in such a long time. I draw out each motion, without realizing it, I bring the cup to my nose and inhale the lack of scent, I swirl the liquid in the cup and I draw it to my lips – although I am slightly apprehensive as I don't know how it will taste – I'm surprised, it's wonderful.

Seeing the pleased expression on my face, Marie takes her own cup into her hands and sits down beside me.

"Ah, I knew you'd like it!"

"What is this?"

"It's a witches brew. I made it with roots from the maudit tree – it's very poisonous to humans but to a demon, it's fine. C'est bon, non?"

"Yes, very."

"Bon! I make some for you to take."

"Merci beaucoup!" I smile, I couldn't help it, she is being so kind to me. Not to mention that I missed tea and this kind woman had given me some that I can actually drink.

"Now demon, who is hauntin' you?"

"How can you tell?" I ask between sips. She shrugs and sits her cup down. She suddenly grabs my wrists and guides my hands to the table as I put my cup down. When I do, she takes my hands into hers, closes her eyes and breathes deeply, concentrating.

"Duex, there is two in you. The first one is a girl." She whispers – I am nervous but she is right, there seems to be two that are haunting me, one for sure – Alice – as for the other one, I don't know. Marie breathes in deeply again and exhales slowly. "The second one is-" She pauses, I watch her as she moves her head towards me, trying to listen to my thoughts but they are silent, "is a boy."

_A boy?_ I haven't taken a soul from a boy before.

Marie opens her eyes and looks straight into mine, she squeezes my hands and I can feel a jolt course through me, my right eye burns as it must have changed over to the contract seal. I am scared but I can't look away as she holds my gaze.

"Interesting." She says curiously, "You were human before, I see, I see… You poor thing, how you suffered." She thinks aloud. Marie closes her eyes again, she mutters something under her breath but her voice vibrates through me. "He tells me you want out of your contract – but you can't. Fait intéressant..." She finally lets go of my hands, sighs and rolls her shoulders to stretch out. "Ok demon, I can help you." She smiles, "Although I have never exorcised a _mal soul _from a demon before." She muses aloud to herself.

"How?"

"It is simple." She lowers her voice causing me to instinctively lean in. "Stop eatin' souls!" She chuckles drolly. I frown immediately and sit back in a huff as she leans over to collect her teacup and hold it in her lap. "It seems that this is a downside to your curse, mon petit chou. The stronger willed the soul, the longer it stays with you. They should leave you over time as the _will _will disappear but be careful not to let them over take you." She warns.

I nod; I guess I understand that, even though I don't know why. She takes a sip of her tea, realizing it is cold; she places it back on the table.

"One more thing demon." Her dark brown eyes shoot over to me sharply, "Sebastian." If I had a beating heart, it would have stopped at the mere mention of his name, how does she know? "If you want Sebastian to be free of your contract, you have to stop caring about him. Stop caring and he will be free."

I snort, caring is the farthest thing away from what I am towards him.

"I don't care about Sebastian, I hate him." I spit.

She gingerly takes my hand and pats it, shaking her head at me.

"_Oh, la, la, la…_ It is in your heart and your mind mon petit chou. In time, you will come understand and what you must do."

"I don't have time." I sigh.

"What is the opposite of love?"

"Hate."

"Non, cheri, the opposite of love is indifference. When you are indifferent, you could not care one way or the other about that person. To hate means you still have some sort of _feelin'_ towards him. It may not be a good feeling but it's a feeling nonetheless. No?"

Yes. She is right.

Standing to her feet, she guides me up, I guess our time here is done.

"I have a client comin' shortly." She leads me towards the door but before she opens it, she stops, "You will come again though, won't you?" I smile and nod, which causes her to grin broadly. "Bon, good. I can show you how to keep these two quiet up there." She taps my temple lightly. If she can, it will be a relief, though I have noticed that ever since I met her – they have stayed silent – then it hit me.

"Who is the other one?"

"Hm?"

"You said there was a boy?"

She lightly pats my shoulder as she puts her other hand on the door handle.

"He was the first one, there from the start, with you the whole time." She opens the door and lets me out. "See you next time, come by anytime and I'll have the tea for you." She waves. I dip my head politely and make my way through the busy streets back to the hotel. I feel warm and light – is this what it is like to make a friend? So much for anonymity.

* * *

It is dark by the time Sebastian comes to see me; he walks into my room without knocking and sits down on a chair by the window, facing me. I am already bathed and in my nightshirt and laying on my stomach on the bed, reading a book I had found on Haitian voodoo. I stopped into a bookstore by the hotel; they looked at me strangely when I asked about it, but then found it and accepted my money nevertheless. Flipping through it and sure enough, Marie was right, she is very well known around Louisiana and even quoted in this book – all though most of the book is based on her mother, the first Marie Laveau, apparently, this incarnation of Marie is just as good.

I thought about all of the things that she had said to me today and I tried to make sense of them all. Most particularly, who was the boy that was with me all along? I don't understand. He doesn't torment me as much as Alice but his voice is still there, his laughter sends shivers down my spine and his words bother me. I also think about what she said about not caring and how long it would take.

I understand what she means now. Even though it was all built on lies Sebastian was the one who saved my life, whatever was left of it. He protected me, sort of, well – he did try. I suppose demons are not perfect beings either. Even though it was because of the contract, he was always with me – even now, he's sat across from me. I don't bother to look up at him but I know he's watching me, waiting for me to acknowledge his existence.

"What did you do today?" I ask half heartedly, I know he was doing something that I don't particularly care about or am still too young to know about. He smirks and stands, striding over to me he sits next to me and pulls the book from my hands, how annoying.

"Voodoo? My lord, why are you filling your head with this nonsense?" He mocks, I struggle to my elbows and try to fetch it back but he holds it high above his head. Pushing off of my palms, I launch myself up and snatch the book back, cradling it in my arms.

"I met the Voodoo Queen of Louisiana today." I hug the book to my chest as Sebastian tries to pry it away from me again.

"The elusive Voodoo Queen, eh? You're better off not hanging around someone like her, she will give you the wrong ideas about things."

"She told me how I can be rid of you." I scowl, as I scurry to the head of the bed, book in hand.

"How?" He raises his eyebrow at that sentence.

"How what?"

He crawls along the bed and stretches himself out on top of it, on his stomach, with his head just below my lap.

"How can you get rid of me?" He asks curiously as he looks up at me.

I smirk and shake my head, I'm not telling him – I'm not letting him have any more power over me.

He sighs and rolls over onto his back, covering his eyes with his forearm, what was he doing? His playful behavior is unnerving, as I know that he likes to do things as you would with an animal, as _reward_ and _punishment _– to lull me in a false sense of security and then take it away. Sebastian is the master of mental manipulation, he can be kind when he wants to but he can equally be cruel to me. I never know which one he wants to be until it's too late and I'm sucked in, I hate that about him but I do remember that he always used to be like this, even when I was alive. Then again, I wasn't totally blameless in that area myself.

"I found an excellent townhouse in the French Quarter, I'm sure you'll be pleased with it." He interrupts my thoughts.

Even if I weren't, it would be fine for me. I want a place of my own now, I'm sick of living in a hotel – not to mention, the French Quarter is next to Marie.

"Ok, the French Quarter. When do we move?"

"Well, I've already made preparations to move tomorrow. Does that suit you young master?" He moves closer to me and rests his head onto my lap. His arm flops over my waist and he tries to steal my book again but I snatch it away - again.

Moving tomorrow? That suits me just fine because, as it stands, all I want to focus on is how not to care anymore. How not to care about you...

* * *

_**Author's note:**__ I know I'm a few chapters late but I feel that I should point out that this is not – I repeat – __not__ a romance story. _

_**Fun fact**__ - Marie Laveau was in fact a real person and the Voodoo Queen of Louisiana. More people have been to her gravesite than have been to Elvis's – how cool is that?_


	8. Chapter Seven - J'ai vu le loup

Sebastian has done a wonderful job; the townhouse is perfect and suits me well.

From the outside it is a beautiful royal blue and white Antebellum town house with a massive garden in the front filled with white rose bushes and another white flowering plant I have never heard of. Sebastian tells me that the flower is called a magnolia, in any case, it's beautiful and it lines the outside walls of the house.

The inside is very grand, white marble flooring in the foyer that leads into dark ebony wooden flooring throughout the rest of the house. A massive staircase right in the middle leads its way to the many rooms of the home. My room, at the far back, is the biggest and has a wonderful view of the French Quarter, and I can see everything out of my large bay window. Although I would much rather experience the world going by outside, rather than sit by the window, but ever since I had expressed an interest in voodoo, or rather, The Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau, Sebastian has been keeping a tighter eye on me than usual. This has resulted in him limiting my time outside.

Still, it has become somewhat fun staying inside with him. I would not go as far as to say that we are getting along famously but we cohabitate naturally. He has ceased to act as my butler when we are alone together, which I have started to welcome as I can do everything by myself now and I greatly enjoy the feel of freedom it brings. Especially now as he barely trusts me to go out on my own, accompanying me everywhere I go, whether I want him to or not.

Although it has been rather obnoxious of him to constantly tag along on my jaunts, he hasn't been that much of a nuisance to me, in fact, dare I say – I am rather enjoying it. It is fun to spend time with another person and share in all of the new experiences this town has to offer. Sebastian has even shown me around to places I had yet to explore which were full of wonderful visual treats for my eyes and the rich sounds, feasts to my ears.

He has taken me to various music halls, where we sit and listen to all kinds of sounds from whatever musicians are in residence at that particular place. I do love it here and I feel so much a part of it that I could be considered a fixture on the streets. With all of that being said, I do miss Marie.

I have only been able to see her every so often - when Sebastian goes out on his own. I sneak away and try to see her, even if it is only for an hour or so. I never know how but Sebastian will have somehow beaten me back home, always with a sullen scowl on his face and a snide remark about voodoo being witchcraft – maybe it is but it never bothers me, I am, after all a demon so what difference would witchcraft mean to me?

"I don't like that you spend so much time with that woman." He remarks as he finds me sat on the bench outside in the back garden amongst the magnolias that have started to bloom. It was late spring and the weather was perfect for reading. I don't look up from by book but I don't carry on reading either, I know he will interrupt me soon.

"I don't see what the problem is." I retort. He walks over and bends over to look at what I'm reading, it's a book of short stories by Edgar Allan Poe, currently, I'm reading The Fall of the House of Usher, which seems to have relieved him. I've hidden all of my books on voodoo, which, with Maries' help; I have built up quite a collection over the last few months. I simply find the whole thing fascinating, how they can marry Haitian witchcraft and Christianity together without the idea of blasphemy – it's intriguing. However, Sebastian seems to have taken a strong disliking to it, which only makes me what to learn more. Surely anything that would help break this contract, I thought he would welcome.

"Why do you insist on upsetting me so, my lord?"

"I wasn't aware that I was."

"Is my company so repulsive that you would do anything to be away from me?" He asks coyly. Well, that comment deserves my full attention, so I close the book and sit it down beside me. Folding my arms, I lean back and glare at him.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Sebastian shrugs and leans against the side of the white cast iron bench I'm sitting on. His back is to me but I can tell he's thinking about something, perhaps the_ punishment_ part to his _reward_ behavior. Whatever it was, I was bracing myself for what he felt like throwing at me. Instead he was silent, he just stood up and walked away, leaving me by myself.

Just before he goes back into the house, he stops at the doorway.

"I'm going to go out for a bit, would you like to accompany me?"

I think for a moment.

"No, I'll just stay here – I'm enjoying the sun."

He turns to me and smiles, "You'll stay here." It wasn't even a question, it was more of an order but I just nod and pick up my book. Seeming satisfied by my response, he goes back inside.

I wait, leaf through my book and just sit in the garden, I wasn't sure if this was a test or not but I thought that I would err on the side of caution and hang around just in case. An hour later and he was still nowhere to be found, so I run up the stairs to my room, grab my long black cloak and appropriate top hat, drape my cloak over my shoulders and head out.

* * *

Even though Sebastian has forbidden me to do so, visiting Marie has become a regular occurrence, whenever I can. She lets me sit in with her clients and I watch her work, I can see how she has earned herself the title of Voodoo Queen; I have never seen a human so powerful before. Of all the things she would let me sit in on, she wouldn't let me see an exorcism, she said that she was worried that I would be forced out too. I wasn't sure if she was joking or if she really didn't want me there but I was happy with it all the same.

It's only been a few months but she has a habit of making me feel like a true friend. She has even forgone her patchouli oil, as the smell is an instant give away to Sebastian, something that I'm quite glad of because it always turns my stomach. Aside from her kindness, she treats me as a human – even though she is very aware that I am a demon – she likes to be around me just as I am. I never dreamed that anyone could accept me but she does, more than that – she helps me. Not only does she teach me things, but she also keeps Alice and the other voice at bay – being around her brings me such peace, Marie is my sanctuary.

Sitting on her davenport, I flip through one of the books she has given me on demonology. I wonder if Sebastian is in here, he's been around for so long, he must have made a name for himself by now. Marie comes in with a tray of maudit root tea and what seems to be cake. I look at her curiously as she knows that I can't taste human food. I can't help but frown, as I would want nothing more that to remember what cake tastes like.

"Whatcha lookin' so sour for demon?" She drawls.

"Oh, nothing." I smile politely as I watch her cut into the cake, it looks sweet and moist as she sits it delicately on a plate and hands it to me, I know I must have looked at her curiously as she starts to shake with stifled laughter.

"Oh cheri, worry not. This here pound cake is made from ground digitalis, safe for demons."

I take a fork from off of the tray and cut into it, popping it into my mouth. I let my tongue absorb the flavor and texture – it was one of the best things I've had in a long time.

"Dis ish delisheous!" I mumble with my mouth full, which causes her to roar with laughter as she sits down next to me. "Aren't you going to have any?" I swallow.

She shakes her head, "Oh non, non, non. Digitalis is poisoness to humans." She pauses for a moment and then chuckles, "I like cooking for you demon." Her statement causes me to grin broadly as I inhale another bite – finishing off the cake and setting the plate back down on the table. She takes my hands into hers and breathes slowly.

"How have they been?"

"Quiet since I've arrived." I reply and she nods.

"D'accord. I must teach you how to calm them yourself. I am worried though…" She thought aloud.

"About what?" I ask as I exam her face, she looks concerned as she looks straight into my eyes.

"You have _a deep darkness_ in you child, something that I don't think can ever be repaired. If you take a soul darker than yours-" She stops abruptly and lets go of my hands.

"Mon petit chou, could you go into the kitchen for me and get the honey, it's in a jar on the top shelf on the left?"

Straight away, I know that it's a feeble excuse; I don't even need to look around because I can sense him, and he's here. I am so outraged that I could rip his head from his shoulders but I decide to stifle my boiling rage and placate my anger by carrying out her request instead, she must have a reason for wanting me to leave the room. I nod to her and I get up to go into the kitchen. I know she's watching me so I turn the corner to be out of sight but I press my back against the wall to eavesdrop.

I hear her shift on the davenport, she isn't even nervous, which surprises me because of what I have told her about him. I can't see her, but I know she is relaxed. Now I can hear Sebastians' light footsteps as he approaches behind her. I slide down the wall, sit on the ground and turn my head towards the doorframe - I can't see much but I can see them.

Sebastian casually leans over the back of the couch, resting his elbows just behind Marie, who lightly scoffs to herself and folds her arms, leaning back into the cushion behind, completely unaffected. _Please Marie, please don't mock him_.

"Bonjour _Sebastian_, I was wondering when you would make an appearance to see me."

"You know me?" He draws his finger down her cheek, it sends shivers down my spine but she is perfectly still.

"Oui, anyone with the slightest knowledge of the underworld knows about the demon Michaelis – that is what you're going by these days isn't it?"

"_Hm._ Is that so? Well then, it saves me the effort of introducing myself." He spoke so languidly - it was unnerving.

"What do you want demon?" She hisses.

"I want you to leave Ciel alone and I want you to keep him away from here."

"Why would you think I would do that?"

"_Because you know about me_." He grabs her by the cheeks and whilst squeezing her face, he turns her to face him. "So you must know what I'm capable of." He threatens, his nails dig into her flesh and I can smell the blood that is leaking out from underneath his grip. As her head moves, her eyes glance over to me, she knows I am watching, and she blinks twice and tries to smile under his grip in an effort to reassure me.

_Please Sebastian, don't do this, I'll do whatever you want – just don't hurt her._ I want to scream, I want to run and take her with me. Why, why is he doing this to me? She's the only thing I have that has any meaning to me anymore. Is that it? Is it because she means something to me?

She moves her hand to his wrists and holds on tight.

"I am afraid that I cannot help you. I do not compel the boy to come, it is of his own free will – you remember free will don't you?" She goads, as Sebastian lets go of her face and smirks, licking her blood from his fingertips.

"Does he talk about me?" He asks her, his baritone voice was lowered into a soft growl. Marie sits stoically as she still faces him, her face is still dripping blood but she doesn't move to do anything about it.

"Can't say he does." She lies, there was no reason for her to lie to him but I think she was doing it to protect me – there was no need.

"You're lying."

"And so are you."

"What are you talking about?" He raises his eyebrow.

"Keepin' the boy."

Sebastian sniggers at her comment, "So you know."

"Of course I do."

"Does he know?"

"Not yet but I plan on tellin' him."

_What are they talking about?_ I thought. Whatever it was, I could sense that Sebastian was fuming. What is it he doesn't want me to know?

"You know, there's nothing stopping me from killing you right now." He growls ferociously.

"Oh yes there is, you know the boy is here and you know he is listening. Il est vrai, oui, mon petit chou?" She calls over to me as her eyes land on me.

I move away from the wall, stand to my feet and turn into the doorway.

"Why are you here Sebastian?" I spit, balling my fist and clutching them to my sides, trying to maintain some semblance of composure. I watch as he moves directly behind Marie, this action has made me hesitant on attacking him head on.

"I came to check on you, you've been gone for an awfully long time my lord." He speaks as though nothing has happened, like this was a typical conversation, he rests his hands on her shoulders. I can't cry, that privilege has been taken from me - not that I ever did. In all my life, I can't remember shedding a single tear at any time; all I had was anger. It was all I had left then and it's all I have left now and what he is doing angers me deeply.

"I am here, I am always here! But now, I want you to go."

"My lord, be reasonable, she's filling your head with lies – you can't trust her." He moves his hands around her neck.

"Like I can trust you?"

He sneers at my response and wraps his fingers around her throat and squeezes tightly. She doesn't move or struggle as if she knew that this would happen to her and she is prepared for whatever is to come next. I hear her choke, gasping for air as Sebastian does nothing but stare at me. I stand here stunned, frozen to the spot. If I attack, what will he do? I don't know – should I risk it?

No.

"Let her go Sebastian and I will leave with you now." I snarl.

I can see that this will get us nowhere. I must leave with him, in order to protect Marie; I must go – even though I truly do not want to. I look over to her and this time; I see the emotion on her face, she is afraid, not for herself though – she seems to be afraid for me.

Marie is gifted, using her talents as an oracle and, being the Voodoo Queen, she can see not just what is inside of me but what my future is destined to be. She has never shared that information, as I never wanted to ask – what good is a future if you are endless? However, she must see something here; it's conveyed in her face. I nod to her to reassure her that I will be all right, even though not even I truly believe it.

He instantly lets go of her throat and she falls forward gasping for air. She places her hands on the table and clutches them into fists as she tries to breath. I'm over to her like a bullet discharged from a revolver, I use my small arms to envelop her and secure her safely as I hear Sebastian chuckle sardonically behind me. Pushing herself up from the table, she takes one of my hands and slips something into it, it was a something hard and metallic. Looking up, she winks at me, which causes me to look over at Sebastian, he didn't notice.

"Let's go Sebastian." I demand as I stand, and start to make my way to the door. He turns the handle and opens the door for me as I walk out. I pocket the small metal item quickly before he notices and I look over at her and smile, I don't care what I have to do, I will see her again.

As Sebastian follows behind me, Marie calls out to stop him.

"Demon Michaelis, do not do anything else to hurt the boy." She states firmly as she rubs her neck. "Don't you think he has suffered enough?" She waits for a reply but Sebastian does not give her one. She sighs, stands and walks over to him and continues, "I am not afraid of you and with or without you, I will help him summon the courage to break your contract."

"_Oh?_ You think you can see that, don't you?" He mocks her as he points to her forehead. "It's too bad that I won't let that happen. I will not let him go."

I am still within earshot and I can hear him, what does he mean that he will not let me go? I have so many questions but I know I will not get the answers from him – he's keeping something from me.

She places her palm on his chest and he leaps back instantly.

"Bloody witch!" He hisses as he rubs his torso.

"That's for me throat." She smiles and slams the door in front of him.

* * *

Sebastian was wise to leave me alone after that. He didn't bother to say anything but I know he must have felt victorious; he'd won after all. I left with him and vowed not to return to her home.

I never really realized it at first but now it was too hard not to notice, I was never in control of him, even when I was alive – I realize now that he was always the one in control of me. He would always wait before he came to rescue me, watching my reaction or how I would writhe in agony. Sebastian is a very clever demon indeed, all along, he has led me to believe that it was me who had control of the leash but I was the one who was collared.

Even now, he made me leave my home; he chose what country and city we would live in, where we stayed, where we live and now, who I can visit. Sebastian owned everything about me but made me think that this was all for my benefit.

If all that is true, then what was all of this about? Why make me go through the idea that not breaking the contract was my fault and that I had an obligation to him? What was he getting out of all of this? Surely this can't all be for the fun of tormenting me?

I strop off up the stairs and to my room, I pass Sebastian on my way up, he is leaning against the banister with his arms folded across his chest with an impressively smug look on his face.

"Oh, don't pout my lord. You'll forget all about that witch soon enough." He chuckles. I stop midway but I chose not to look at him.

"I don't want to forget about Marie. She cares about me."

He snorts at my sentiment, "She cares about you? Oh dear." I hear his footsteps as he approaches, he stands right behind me and places his hands on my shoulders. I can still smell the vague scent of blood that remains on his hands. He bends over, leaning in very closely to my right ear. "Don't you see Ciel? You now belong to me and I'm not willing to share you with anyone." He whispers coolly, which causes me to shudder.

"So I'm a prisoner?"

"No, I wouldn't say that, my lord." He coos.

"Then what would you say? I can't leave and I can't see Marie I am nothing more than a prisoner here." I wriggle out of his grip and walk up two steps - Sebastian follows me.

"Did I say you couldn't leave? I merely said that you can't see that witch anymore – it's for your own safety."

Safety? _My own safety_? I sigh and lower my head, looking at my shoelaces; they seem to have come undone in the long hoof I took to get home. I think about tying them but then again, I think about being spiteful and commanding him to do it – in the end I do neither.

"I thought you would want to break the contract?" I exhale.

"I want nothing more than."

I turn my head to him sharply, "Then why can't I see her? She said she could help me! Damn it Sebastian, stop toying with me!" I shout.

Sebastian ignores me as he turns to walk back down the steps, I watch him leave and I can see a faint smile traced on his lips.

I storm off up the rest of the stairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me. I throw myself onto the bed and bury my face in the linen sheets that cover it. Rolling over onto my side, I feel something digging into my hip – oh! It is the thing Marie gave me. Sitting up, I quickly put my hand into my pocket and pull it out; it is a flat circular disk with a decorative carving on one side and an inscription on the other in a language I am unfamiliar with but it seems like it has some words of French in it. All I can make out is _Amulet _and _Protection_.

I close my hand around it and squeeze it into my palm; Marie knew that this was going to happen and she was prepared.

I lay back down with the amulet in my hand and I try and devise a way of seeing her again. Of course, like clockwork – the moment I need to focus my thoughts, they appear.

'_Oh Ciel, you know you can't see her again._'

Oh, it's you. This time, it was the boy giggling childishly through his warning.

'_Haven't you realized what Sebastian will do to keep you?_'

I think I realize what Sebastian would do all too clearly now _– wait..._ I can talk to you? It must be the amulet...! I take this opportunity to get some answers as I try to speak loudly in my mind to communicate with him.

Who are you? How were you with me all along?

'_Don't you remember? How could you forget the feel of the blade as you drove it into me? How after that happened, our souls were then merged together? Oh Ciel, I'm disappointed_.'

_Alois_ – I gasp aloud and look around to see if I am heard, and of course I'm not, I am alone.

'_It's about time you realized that it was me…_'

* * *

**Authors' Note: **I really wish there was a genre for psychological on this site – I know I've said that before but I'm going to reiterate it. I will say that when things start to take a turn (and it will), I will give you a warning each step of the way – I don't like just springing things, especially if, like me, you get emotionally invested and then it gets ripped away. (If anyone one reads Pandora Hearts, you know what I'm talking about)


	9. Chapter Eight - Bella Marie

**Warning:** Character death

...

'It's about time you realized that it was me.'

_Alois, h-how are you still here? I thought you-_

'Died? No – I didn't die, I only went dormant but thanks to Alice, I'm now awake.'

_But you can't be._

'I am and I'm in you – _I am you_.' His words are enticing and hypnotic.

_You are me._ I repeat as if under a spell.

'I am you.'

_You… are… _me.

A searing pain shoots through my head.

I clutch my scalp as I writhe in agony on my bed in an effort to try and ride it out. I can't, it's unbearable.

I hear Alois giggle, his voice chimes out in between my ears, it echoes and deafens me. I lay on my side, on top of my bed, as I grasp my head and squeeze tightly - I can't seem to silence him.

'Call him, I must call him.'

_No – don't, stop._

"S-Sebastian..." I feel my mouth move and I hear my voice feebly mutter as I continue to hold my head. These are not my actions and these are not my words. "Sebastian, _please_..." I cry out, weakly. _No, Alois please stop; I don't want him to see me like this._

"What is the matter?" Sebastian inquires as he enters the room and approaches me. I can't feel my head in my hands or my body lying on the bed, the only thing I can feel is the constant thumping and throbbing of my head.

"My lord?" His voice is low, almost whispered as he bends over the bed and hoovers in front of me. I want to speak but I struggle to get the words out.

He puts his hand on my forehead as I look up at him; he seems worried as he studies my face and sees that I am completely unresponsive. How can I be? I'm not in control of my own body but I try to fight back to regain control over it.

"H-help me." I utter, finally, I am able to control my own voice again. In one swoop, he scoops me up and presses me tightly against his chest. "What's happening to me?" I whimper as I now feel my body but it goes weak in his arms.

"Ciel, tell me what's wrong." His voice is calm but he is worried, I can tell, he is addressing me by my name.

"My head – it hurts."

"Your head?"

"I hear – I hear them." I stutter.

"Who? Who do you hear?"

"All of them." I breathe.

"All of who? Who do you hear?" He inquires as I groan in agony.

"S-Sebastian, please. _Please_ take me to Marie."

"No, I will not allow you to see her." He says firmly.

"P-please, she can help me." He doesn't respond to my request but the pain is so intense, I feel like I'm going to black out at any moment. I am desperate, "Sebastian, this is an order, take me to see Marie. If this contract means anything, will you honor it?" I demand, barely able to hear my own voice as it speaks – the others are are far too loud in my mind.

I feel him squeeze me securely against his torso as his body shifts from the bed. He then releases me as he lays me down and quickly goes over to my wardrobe, pulling out my hooded cloak. Coming back over to me, he puts his arm around my waist, to brace me and drapes the cloak over my shoulders. Laying me back down – his nimble fingers tie the strands of ribbon together around my neck. I watch him as he does this so dutifully, is he actually taking me to see her?

Once done, he scoops me up again, cradling me in his arms and we take our leave.

* * *

He is fast as he darts through the empty streets of the French Quarter until we arrive at the front garden of Marie Laveau. Sebastian stops dead at the wooden gate, grunting, as he seems unable to move any further.

"Very clever witch." Sebastian hisses as he sits me down on the ground.

"What is the matter?"

"Unfortunately my lord, I cannot go in, it seems that she has put a temporary curse on these premises, which is blocking me from going any further."

The front door creaks as it opens and Marie appears and stands in the doorway, folding her arms as she leans into the doorpost. She is smiling sardonically at Sebastian but with a scowl.

"That's right demon Michaelis, you won't be chokin' me now." She scoffs. Turning to me, her face brightens up. "Well, hello mon petit chou, come in, come in. I have tea already made up for you." She waves to me, I look over at Sebastian who has a glower firmly etched into his brow, and I know he doesn't approve of my coming here but at least Marie had the sense to put up a barrier. I wasn't about to ask how she thought to do so – she was an oracle, I'm sure she knew that we would be coming.

"I will be here, waiting. The moment that barrier comes down though-"

"We'll be quick." She interjects sharply as she closes the door and ushers me in.

As soon as I step through the threshold, the voices stop and I feel instantly relieved, like a weight has been lifted and my head is completely clear. I wish I could live here; I would spend all of my waking moments here and live in complete peace. However, I know I cannot stay long and I know that Sebastian is waiting, so I sit down instead.

There's something that I want to say to her, something that has been bothering me since the other day but I'm too afraid to ask, perhaps I don't want to know the answer.

"He knows how to break the contract chéri, he is choosing not to."

"W-what?" She knew what I was thinking.

"That is what you want to ask me, non? I know you heard us, I know you know." She is standing in front of me but I can't bring myself to look at her. My empty mind is flooded with thoughts of Sebastian – I now realize that he is keeping me. He is keeping me like a pet and I never knew it. I know Marie is reading my face, I can't imagine what it must look like but I know I am crestfallen. "He is a demon mon petit chou, what did you expect from him?" I am not sure if she is trying to console me.

"He swore that he would never lie." I still keep my face down, but I feel the fabric of her dress as it sweeps across my tightly clasped hands that are on my lap.

"Before or after the mark of the contract?" Her voice is kind.

"After." I exhale; I know I'm trapped in semantics. I decide to look up at her; her wide brown eyes study me as they flicker back and forth.

"Well, there you have it. If he told you going in that he could break this contract at any time you would not have taken it." She stops for a moment and kneels down in front of me, she casually places her right hand on my cheek, "_perhaps you would have_." She concludes. "The _contract_ is for you, not for them. They will honor it but most don't have too – I'm surprised you survived this long, chéri."

"Why?"

"I have told you before, there is a deep darkness in you, it must have been more than that demon could bear not to devour you whole." Maries' eyes narrow as they look into mine. "I can see your past and I know your future – you may be a demon but you do not have to let the darkness consume you. If you do…" She drifts off, still staring into my eyes but unwilling to share what is going through her mind.

"Is that what is happening with the voices in my head?"

She nods as she stands to her feet, groaning slightly as she hears her knees creak and crack.

"Oh, mon dieu, I am gettin' old." She sighs, "In any case, he could have broken your contract all along but because he can manipulate your feelings towards him, he has chosen to stay. You Demons - curious creatures."

"What do I do?"

"Break that bond between you." She holds out her hand for me, my time must be up. "Break the bond, only if you want to and then you will be free."

"Of course I want too."

"_Of course, of course_." She nods. "You must go now, that barrier won't last much longer and I can't keep him out but can you come back tomorrow night? I will need some time to gather some ingredients together and put things in place."

"For what?"

"For an exorcism – I will try and release them from you." She pokes my head as my eyes widen.

"You can do that?"

"I do not know and I do not know what will happen but I promise you this – I will try." She smiles. I can't help myself, I lean forward and grab her, pulling her into me and I embrace her, she smells like lavender soap, I will try to always remember this scent. Marie pulls away and places both of her palms to my face, "This darkness within you – I just need to get to it before he does and lets it consume you." She warns. "Oh, before you go, I want you to take this." She glances over to the table and picks up a small leather bag with strange writing on it, "Do you have that amulet?"

I nod as I fish it out of my pocket and hand it to her. She accepts it in the palm of her hand and squeezes her hand around it as she closes her eyes and brings her hand to her head. She then flicks open the pouch and puts it inside along with a few other small objects that she crams in, closing the pouch.

"What is it?" I wonder aloud as she hands it to me.

"It's gris-gris, a talisman, this will protect you – never lose it."

"Protect me?"

"Mon petit chou, I do not know what will happen in the exorcism but know that when you have this, you will have me." She smiles. I hold the gris-gris tightly in my hand and step into her, holding my face into her chest. I can her hear chuckle slightly and feel her hand running down the back of my head. "You are very strange demon, you know that?" Her voice is soft and sweet as she continues to stroke the back of my head. "Come now, the barrier is down and it is only a matter of time before he comes."

I step away from her and nod. I had better go for her safety, Sebastian could not be trusted around her and I know that if he were to come in, she might not make it out. I rush to grab my cloak and tuck the gris-gris away in my pocket. I wave good-bye to Marie as I start to leave the house and as soon as I open the door, I can see Sebastian stood on the front porch waiting for me. He is sulking as I approach him, his narrowed eyes never leaving Maries' as I pass by him.

"Come, Sebastian." I call to him over my shoulder.

* * *

We arrive back home.

I refused to speak to Sebastian on our walk back. It was easier to just be silent and rationalize everything in my, now clear, mind. What I truly want to do is throw him against the wall and batter him repeatedly but as I haven't fed, I know that I am weak against him. I opt to do nothing, nothing but walk home and think about my next move.

Sebastian holds the door open for me as I walk through. We have only just arrived home but the tension between us is unpalatable. I tug at the ribbon holding my cloak together at my throat, unraveling it and taking it off. Sebastian holds his hand out to take it from me but I ignore it – he frowns at this as I make my way through the foyer, with him closely behind, almost on top of me.

"So, you know." He decides to break the silence.

"_Tch._ Yes, I know." I hiss as I stop, my hand grips the staircase banister so tightly it could go right through it. "All this time..." I speak softly through gritted teeth. "All this time you made me think it was me."

"I have my reasons for keeping you."

"Break the contract." I demand.

"No." He replies flatly.

"I don't need you anymore and I don't feel anything for you – so break the contract. Give me my freedom." I growl as I can feel the wood of the banister start to splinter under my grip.

"No."

"Sebastian, I order you to break the contract!" He grabs my wrist from the banister and pulls me into him, wrapping his other arm around my waist and holding me still. I refuse to look at him but he lets go of my wrist and puts his hand under my chin, moving my head to face his.

"Oh dear, my haughty little lord has given me an order?" His voice is sarcastically languid as he speaks and holds onto me tighter. I wriggle and struggle but I can feel my ribs almost start to give and crack under the strain, so I stop. "Well, you and I both know that's not what you really want and until you can convince me otherwise – I'm afraid you still belong to me." He purrs as he stares straight into my eyes. His words shoot through me, they would seem sweet to some but to me, the tone was undeniably sinister.

"What do you want from me?"

He doesn't reply. All he does is loosen his grip and just hold me as my body goes limp and drapes over him like a rag doll.

I don't know what to say.

I want to move but I don't. I want to run but I won't. I want be free of him but I don't know if I can ever be, he is a part of me and he has been since he marked me. On that day, I become his.

My mind goes blank.

I wrap my arms around him and press myself in to him, holding him close to me and inhaling his provocative scent – so warm, so comforting.

'Oh Ciel. Ciel, Ciel, Ciel... Can't you see?'

_Alice._

_'He keeps you around, to punish you.' _her voice deepens as she whispers in between my ears.

To punish me?

'_To punish you.'_ She repeats.

"To punish me." I say again out loud.

"Young master?"

"You keep me around to punish me." I respond, speaking directly into his ear. My voice devoid of any emotion as I break away from him, keeping my eyes down as I start to make my way towards the staircase.

"Is that what you think?" He asks as he takes my wrist, halting me. I glance over to his face; he seems disappointed by my comment. I snap my wrist out of his grip and continue to walk up the stairs. I don't know what I think but I know he is keeping me.

"You have no other reason to keep me around other than to play with me – to use me as I have used you in the past. Well, I'm not playing this game with you Sebastian." I leave him and walk up the stairs to my room.

'_You have to break the contract.'_ Alices' melodic voice is breathy and sparse.

_I understand._

Yes, I think I understand.

* * *

The following night could not have come soon enough as I spent the entire day locked away in my room. Sebastian had tried to see me a couple of times but I refused, I knew he would take one look at me and see that something was up and most definitely not let me out of his sight. He is incredibly perceptive – especially when it comes to me, all of those years of being my butler has given him more insight to me than even I probably realize. I grab my cloak from the wardrobe and wrap it around my shoulders, instead of using the ribbons, I opt to use my favorite silver clasps with the cross that just dangles from it. Pinning it together, I sit back down on the bed.

I have a plan.

I am going to sneak out of the house through the window as soon as darkness falls and make my way to the French Quarter. Unfortunately for me, I am feeling pretty feeble and weak. I haven't fed since I first meet Marie and she told me to stop eating souls, needless to say, I was starving. I don't really mind not eating; it doesn't really have that much of an impact on me, especially considering I don't really need it to survive but it is a necessity to keep my strength up.

Although, strangely, even though I don't mind not eating them, souls have become something I deeply crave and the craving makes me more than just hungry – I lust after them, salivate at the thought. I thought that I had fully become a demon but there are some things that I still don't know or understand. In any case, that will all need to wait – I need to take care of something first, I need to get rid of Alice and Alois.

I go to the window and quietly open it. The night air wafts through my hair as I make my way out of the window and down the iron drain pipe. I'm not very good at scaling down the walls; this wasn't anything I had done ever before, especially when I was human. My hand slips and I fall to the ground with a horrible thud. _Shit_, I hope Sebastian didn't hear that. It doesn't matter; I race through the back garden into the empty streets and cover myself in the shadows.

I arrive at Maries' house and she is already waiting for me in her doorway, she steps aside to let me in and shuts the door behind me. There was something different about her, she wasn't dressed in her typical long black dress but in head to toe white, from her shawl to her head wrap. The smile on her face is gone and a melancholy disposition in its place. In all of my time that I have spent with her, I have never seen Marie look quite like this before.

"Is there a barrier this time?" I ask as I unfasten the clasp on my cloak and take it off. I sling it over the armrest of the davenport and take my usual seat.

"Non, not this time." She replies solemnly as she walks around the front room, lighting the various candles littered throughout.

The room is dark and only lit through the candles that she has lit. There is a smell of burning in the corner, I turn my head to look and it's a bundle of herbs that have wrapped together and set alight. The smoke from it permeates my nostrils and into my nose, it's entrancing as my eyelids struggle to stay open under the weight of my heavy lids. Marie sits across from me and takes my left hand in hers and holds it on her lap, I look up at her, I can feel that my eyes have shifted to demonic ones but I can also feel my right eye burn as the contract appears. Marie reaches over and places the palm of her hand over my right eye as they both close.

I hear her mutter something in a rhythmic fashion as I start to lose conscientiousness. Through the smoke, I could pick up the smell of lavender, the bundle of herbs, patchouli and him.

Sebastian, he's here.

I black out.

* * *

That smell.

That fragrant, delicious and familiar smell – it's the smell of beginnings and endings.

It's the smell of blood.

I struggle, there is a heavy weight on my lap as I try to shift, I'm on the ground – how did I get here? I wonder as I try to open my eyes. It must have worked because my mind is completely clear and I am relieved.

Keeping my eyes closed, I crawl up to my elbows but the weight isn't shifting. Amongst the familiar smell of blood, there was the ever-present scent of Sebastian, which I can pick up on my lap. I will my eyes to open and I take in the room.

Everything is destroyed.

The windows are shattered, the furniture broken into pieces which along with everything else, are scattered about the room – all covered in blood. I look down on my lap – no… no… no… NO! Soaking wet in the fresh crimson blood that seeps through the white fabric of her dress - it was Marie.

"I told you not to come back here." He growls.

I could hear the cracking of glass as he treads on top of it; he is slowly making his way over to me. I try to move Maries' body but it isn't budging.

"I-is she – is she-" I try to get the words out but I can't.

"She's dead." He replies bluntly as he appears in front of me. This shape, this repulsive, horrible form – I have seen it before. He appeared like this to me when we first met, when he was purely a demon.

"What have you done?"

"Only what was necessary."

"Y-you killed Marie?"

"No, I didn't, my lord. You did."

"No. I couldn't have." My voice is empty. Did I? _Did I kill Marie_?

"Yes and I could not have been prouder. I was here the whole time and I watched it all unfold. You were magnificent in your true form, the way you ripped her to shreds, absolutely exquisite. I had to stop you before you brought the whole house down." I could see his smile through the billowing shadows that envelope him. I can't speak, I'm just in shock. "Now, you must go home – you've created quite a racket here."

"Home?" I know I'm speaking but the words seem foreign in my mouth. Sebastians' arm reaches out to grab me. He pulls me up and Maries' lifeless body falls off me and hits the floor with a heavy thud. He retrieves my cloak from the wreckage and wraps it around my shoulders. As he does this, his natural form surrounds me as if it were an embrace.

What did I do?

I look over at Marie and in this moment, I wish I could cry – I wish I could mourn for her but I can't. Instead, I do as instructed and I leave, not looking back at the damage I had done to the house or the woman who did nothing but help me.

I am so sorry, Marie.


	10. Chapter Nine - Possession

Do you know how it feels?

How it feels to love someone so much that it turns into hate. To have that hate take over you, encompass you and over power you, so that you want nothing more than to break them, to punish them, rip them apart, devour them – _to want nothing more but to annihilate them_.

That's how I feel about Sebastian.

This feeling is something I think about often.

There is a tree in the back garden surrounded by magnolia bushes. Even though it's early winter, the weather is quite mild, which allows me to sit out here. Even though I'm wearing long wool trousers, I bring out a blanket and lay it across my lap, although I cannot feel the cold and I brought a book out with me, although I'll not read it. I don't come out here for any other reason than to think – which is something I like to do often. Just lean up against the trunk of the tree, nestle in the magnolias and let my mind wander.

It's been five years since the death of Marie.

I went to her funeral; Sebastian refused to let me go by myself so he came with me. It was a tremendously lavish affair with almost all of New Orleans coming out to walk with her and parade her into the afterlife. There was a twelve-piece ensemble brass band that played a very maudlin sounding dirge as we all walked solemnly into the cemetery and to her gravesite.

This was something that I had never seen before.

I have previously attended only two funerals in my lifetime; one being my aunts' Madam Red and the other was my own. The mourners were dressed in black but some were carrying opened umbrellas, although it was a clear day. The men wore tailcoats and top hats and some had their faces painted white and black, like skulls, paying homage to the voodoo deity, Baron Samedi who, if worshipped, will prevent your corpse from rising as a zombie. In a way, I wish he were around when I died, perhaps I wouldn't be in the state that I am in.

A lot of the mourners had voodoo paraphernalia, such as, dolls, amulets and charms – I myself had my gris-gris, which never left my side, just as she instructed.

Sebastian and I kept a respectful distance in the back, away from the rest, as I really didn't feel comfortable mourning her amongst those who loved her, especially as I was the one who killed her.

That whole night played out constantly in my mind as I tried to piece the fragments of it back together – none of it made any sense. Although, every time I do think back, I become more aware of the fact that she knew she was going to die and she had prepared everything. The gris-gris she gave me before we parted, she told me that when I had this, I would have her. The fact that she didn't put up a protective barrier, she even said that she needed to make arrangements - she knew I was going to kill her.

If she knew, why didn't she warn me? Why did she let me? Why would she even perform the exorcism if she knew I was going to destroy her? I just didn't understand and it wasn't like I could ask her either.

There were many words spoken on her behalf and not a dry eye in sight – until the end when the band struck up a rousing rendition of 'When The Saints Go Marching In'. This was something to see as well as the parade of mourners all started to dance their way out of the cemetery – skirts hitched and hats waved. It was incredibly interesting to see all of these people who once were sad now celebrating – celebrating the wonderful life of Marie.

At the time, I couldn't help but think about how much Undertaker would have loved to see this spectacle. I wondered what he would have made of the whole display? Probably would have joined in some how.

Afterwards, Sebastian and I never really spoke to each other for a few years. It's funny how years mean nothing to me any more – it all went by in the blink of an eye. I was tired of him and he gave me space, which I appreciated but found surprising, nevertheless. However, after living in relative isolation I became bored with it and started to try and spend more time with Sebastian. We got along. We fought. When we did, we fielded forests, and I think my ability to harness my strength even surprised him. We hunted and we stayed in together – I made the best out of the situation and gave up on my need to be free, I suppose I never will be.

I could no longer hear Alois or Alice because of the gris-gris; it somehow blocked them from entering my mind but just because I couldn't hear them didn't mean that I didn't occasionally run their words through my own thoughts. I could feel a sense of disappointment and I know that that must have come from Alice – the one who wanted me to break free so long ago. From the moment she met me, she knew who I was – she could see straight though me to the demonic core I now possess. She was like a kindred spirit, someone who knew what it was like to seek their own death, after all, wasn't that what I was doing when I contracted a demon? I am sorry Alice; I couldn't break the contract after all.

I no longer had the urge to fight Sebastian or to set myself free of him; I gave up and wondered what the point of it all would have been. I was exhausted and tired of struggling against him - which I did try to do on and off throughout the last few years.

His treatment of me hadn't changed, it was a mixture of disgust and distain mixed with what he would describe as love – he's even called it that on a number of occasions although he has never said that he loved me, he only said that he wanted to own me. I became nothing more than a fixture here in this house, I rarely went out and then it was only to sample the local cuisine and when I did – he was always with me, probably in fear that I would run away – but where would I go? He had me trapped but there came a moment where I stopped caring.

I can't exactly tell when my feelings towards him had changed or what prompted it but I suppose it's what happens when you share your existence with someone for so long that your sentiments towards them starts to muddle, you become unsure and you start to wonder if these feelings you have are actually your own – if they are actually true. This was the case for me as my feelings of hatred towards Sebastian turned into some kind of warped affection – Marie was right, there was a fine line between love and hate and I walked it everyday.

I wished he'd leave. I longed to see him.

I needed to be with him. I wanted to be left alone.

Don't touch me. Touch me.

Don't leave me.

Be with me.

I have had nothing but time over these years to reflect on our maddening relationship and it is - it is madding. Sebastian has still not fully told me what he wants of me or why he keeps me but never the less, here I am, only here because he wants to 'own' me. He has done nothing but confuse me, treating me pleasantly only when he wants to – violently attacking me when he doesn't. He says he's frustrated but it that's the case then he should just leave me already but he won't, he never does.

"Young master, what are you thinking about?" He asks me drolly as we sit together in the back garden.

"I'm thinking about what I always think about Sebastian." I reply. He shifts his head on my lap, a position he takes whenever he joins me outside.

"And what is that?" He muses as he tilts his head upwards and closes his eyes. I look up and towards the sky, this conversation happens so often, it's like going through the motions.

"You know what I think about, it's the same thing I've been thinking about for the last five years."

"Five years? Has it been that long already?" He sounds mildly amused with himself but for life of me, I don't know why. I never know what he is thinking. "Ah well, tell me again." He insists.

"Why do you keep me?" I parrot as I've asked this so many times before.

"Young master, don't you know?" He smiles. This was a different response then the usual – what was he playing at this time? Well, I can play too.

"The only thing I can think of is that you want to possess me." He opens his eyes to see me staring down at him. "Well here I am, you have me."

"Don't tempt me my little lord." He grins.

"Tempt? How could I possibly do that?" I huff.

Reaching up, he grabs bow of my dress shirt and pulls me down to his face, our lips barely touching but I can feel the exhalation of air as he speaks to me.

"I do want to possess you." He growls.

"Why?"

"Because I love you." His voice is even and calm. I try and struggle out of his grip and he finally releases me and I slam back into the tree, causing the few leaves that had not fallen in autumn to come cascading down around us.

His words confuse me, they shake me and they enrage me.

This was the first time he ever said that he loved me.

"Love? You do nothing but torture and torment me – how is that love?"

"Because it is." He shrugs. I am not happy with that response in the slightest.

"No Sebastian, tell me how can you love me when all you want to do is own me?

"Oh but my little lord, isn't that the truest definition of love? To own someone? To possess them, control them and for them to _belong_ to you and only you?" He pauses for a moment to regard my face. "Only humans have this simplistic, silly notion of hearts being set a flutter and happily ever afters. Will they kiss or won't they? That's what humans want to believe it is. It is an interesting concept but not one I subscribe to." He snorts. "I have been around forever and I can promise you this: true love isn't like that. It's morose and it's dark – it's ownership of one person above all others, to love someone so much that you'll die for them, that you would kill for them – to take another life, to stop a beating heart, because that person is yours alone you would do absolutely anything for them, that's not romantic. That type of love is cruel, vile and sadistic and that is the love I feel for you."

I don't know what to say.

His version of love is the same as mine – my twisted, maddening, all consuming version of love.

"I know that you must love me too." He smiles as he starts to move from my lap, sitting up right and facing me as I still remain firmly pressed against the trunk of the tree.

"I do not love you." I spit. He chuckles lightly as he touches his hand to my cheek.

"You're lying."

"I'm not!" I protest.

"You must be, our contract is still in place. Surely, even by now you realize it?" He smirks as he gently strokes my cheek. I did realize it, I knew all along, as that was what Marie had told me, in order to break the contract I had to become indifferent. "You already know that I can break the contract at any time."

"But you chose not to." I sigh as he nods.

"I want to own you, everything about you."

"But I can break the contract." I retort.

"You can't because you love me." He leans into me, his eyes never deviating from mine. "It's because of that love that keeps me here – I now have half of what I want." His voice is low and guttural and it sends shivers right through me.

"Only half?" I whisper. He is so close to me, his scent is so powerful and overwhelming – it's causing me to become dizzy.

"Yes, only half – now, I want the rest of you. _I want to possess all of you_."

It was now I realized that I had been played all along. Wearing me down and making me give up was another way of manipulating my feelings – slowly but surely, Sebastian was destroying me. He was wrecking me from the inside because he was right – I hate him so much that I love him.

He leans in and kisses me deeply.

I give up and I give into him.


	11. Chapter Ten - Bon temps rouler

Love is immediately falling into a trap – a trap that you cannot break free from.

_But... do I want to be free?_

At this moment, I am unsure but I know that I am bound – bound and struggling.

_He holds me so tightly._

Pushing me down against the bed, he wraps his arms around me as he enters me; he kisses my throat and licks the salty sweat from my skin. I wrap my legs around him as he then leans back, pulling me on to him further as he goes deeper.

_Deeper and deeper. _

Leaning in he kisses me. I breathe out in his mouth and he sucks it in hungrily, as though it were nourishment. I can feel my body bend and break underneath him, as he possesses me.

_I cry out but he just growls._

I tangle my fingers into his sweat drenches tresses as I feel my back smash against the headboard.

_I don't mewl, I don't scream – I just moan and I beg him to go harder._

Harder and harder.

Deeper and deeper.

_And I fall._

_Deep inside, I go._

...

"I shall draw you a bath now my lord." Sebastian states as he slips on a fresh, pressed shirt over his broad shoulders.

"Must you stay so formal? Especially given what we just did?" I wonder aloud as I sit up in bed. I watch him, leeringly, with a wistful smile fighting its way onto my lips. I must admit, this is my favorite part. As much as I love to watch him undress, watching him dress is much more enjoyable.

He has his back to me, his toned muscles gleam with a slight sheen of sweat as he wraps the crisp white shirt over him and buttons it quickly. His nimble fingers are swift and graceful as he pushes each button through their respective holes. He tucks the shirt-tails into the waistband of his trousers neatly, flat down and not one crease as he fastens his belt across his waist. Taking his black tie, he tosses it around his neck and knots it – the movement was so fast that I barely had the chance to take it all in.

Sebastian then walks over to the foot of the bed, kneels over and picks up the waistcoat that he had carelessly tossed aside before this whole event began. The smooth silk presses against his body as he pulls it down, straightening it. Finally, he finishes with his coat, putting it on and pulling it down over his chest. _Why does he still insist on dressing like a butler_? I think silently to myself.

This has been a regular occurrence between Sebastian and myself for the last few months. It seems to have taken the place of the hatred and violence he had towards me. He still holds me down but now, he holds me down for another reason.

"Do you not want a bath?" His voice sounds surprised as he turns to me.

In truth, I couldn't think of anything I would prefer more. I would love to soak myself in a pool of hot water, my body aches, my muscles are tense and I am sore. I have been worked over in the best possible way.

As good as I felt I equally feel wretched.

Each and every time he lays me down; I hate myself more and more. I swear that it's the last time and each time after that. This isn't what I want; at least I think it's not. How can I be free of him if I keep getting sucked further and further in? Sebastian controls me, he owns me – he has taken over every facet of my mind and my thoughts. He has more control over me than a puppeteer, standing above me, pulling all of my strings and playing with me. Every inch of my body now belongs to him and I willing give it all away.

I realize that however much self-loathing I feel for giving into him so readily, I still cannot help myself - his caress, his taste, his body against mine. I need it. _I need him._

I feel it, every time I'm with him; I feel I am losing myself to him.

Sebastian is destroying me from the inside out, I cannot control him and I don't want to stop him.

There is one thing I will not let myself do though, I refuse to love him. How can I love someone who wants nothing more than to keep me captive? To want nothing more than to possess me and own me? Although, if I was being honest – I know that I love him but I will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I do. Especially as I am trying so desperately not to love him and I equally try not to hate him, as I now know, they are one in the same.

I long to be free and if my emotions are getting in the way of that – then I must find a way to not feel them.

He catches me glaring at him and smiles. He slowly walks over to the foot of the bed and bends over, crawling on top of it and towards me. I lean back against the headboard and fold my arms.

"Young master, aren't you cold? You don't appear to be wearing anything."

"I'm fine; I'm waiting for you to draw my bath." I snort halfheartedly. He's hovering right above me now; I can feel the goose pimples start to rise on my skin as they always do whenever he's so close to me. I can feel his eyes bore into me but I refuse to meet his gaze, I just hold my arms closer to my chest and look to my left. The sun is out, it pours in through the glass and refracts against some of the white furniture in the room.

Sebastian hums cheerfully as he plants a soft kiss on my still dampened forehead and moves off of me.

"I'll draw you a bath now." He smiles as he starts to leave the room. He stops by the door and looks over his shoulder at me. "Would you like to go out today? There is a parade happening in the middle of town." He suggests.

"A parade? It's Tuesday. What an odd day for a parade."

"It's the towns' Mardi Gras parade my lord. They have been doing this every year since we've been here."

"All right, I'll go." It's actually a beautiful day today and I would much rather be out and about rather than cooped up here or sitting by my tree.

"Yes my lord." Sebastian grins as he leaves the room. I slouch down into the sheets and hide myself under the covers. I try not to let my thoughts run away with me, especially as whenever I'm alone with my thoughts, I think of Marie but I am trying not to think of her so often these days.

For the last five years since her death, my mind was occupied with thoughts of her. I wish I could thank her for all that she had done for me, especially with Alice and Alois. Ever since I've kept the gris-gris with me – not a peep, which means now I can focus my thoughts on how to break free from Sebastian. If she were still here I know that she would help me but I must do this alone now.

Although, these days... I'm not so sure that I do want to.

...

I have never seen anything like this.

The bight midday sun cast its light over everything, illuminating all that came into its path.

This is phenomenal.

There are participants dressed in all kinds of brightly colored costumes and large floats made out of papier-mâché. Some of these floats contain various animals, or Native Americans, and there are humans too, like the President of the United States and Napoléon Bonaparte. There are many brass bands playing raucously as they swing their instruments around and dance around in the light. A heavy rhythmic pulse of African drums beats out and crashes through the air like claps of thunder as drum lines march through, surrounded by people dressed as voodoo priests in long white robes.

I can't help but feel slightly out of place, as I have never really been to a parade before, let alone anything quite like this. Looking over at Sebastian, I can see that he was quite enjoying himself as he eyes the bevy of beautiful women dancing and behaving rather indecently, in my opinion.

Even though it was around two in the afternoon, everyone is drinking and partying – generally having such a good time. The air smells of mint and spice from freshly cooked jambalaya that is on offer in the various restaurants we pass.

We turn the corner down a narrow alleyway. I can hear bawdy people laughing and ragtime music bleeding out through the various bars we walk past.

Sebastian leans over my shoulder. "Well my lord, _laissez les bon temp rouler_."

"_Tch_, laissez les bon temp rouler." I snort.

"It means let the good times roll."

"I know what it means."

"Well then, shall we enjoy what this town has to offer?" I glance over to him, his eyes have changed over to carmine and I know he can't help it. New Orleans being the hot bed of depravity that it is, there are so many wonderful tainted souls ripe for the taking, especially today, it must be so enticing. I can almost see him salivate with hunger and anticipation – I was not that far off. If we were here at night and in the thick of it all, it would be fantastic in itself, but to do this in the middle of the day? Electrifying. At this moment, to be the predator and not the prey – absolutely scintillating.

We choose to go into a bar. It is packed with people celebrating, drinking and singing to whatever song was being belted out by the band. It must be a well-known tune, as everyone in the bar knows the words and are singing along. I cast my eyes across the bar to look for my lunch, and there, in the corner – she's mine.

She is beautiful. Blond hair in a loose bun, placed at the top of her head with loose strands that waft around her childlike face. Large brown eyes the color of melted Belgium milk chocolate and full pink lips, which she keeps biting on nervously. This isn't her type of place; it is obvious by the way she is sitting, constantly fidgeting and looking around – she must have been brought here by someone else, but I don't see them around.

I stride over to her; each move I make relaxes me as I ready myself to go in. I roll my shoulders and prepare myself like a boxer but instead of using my fists, I think about how I'm going to get her out of here.

I approach her, leaning over the booth she is sat in, and look straight into her eyes.

"Are you alone?" I ask. She blinks twice at me as she looks up.

"N-no. I'm with a friend." She points to a woman near the bar who is draped over a man who has his hand firmly on her backside. _Disgraceful._

"Would you mind if I keep you company?" She shakes her head and I'm in, I slide into the booth opposite her. As I do so, I can see Sebastian staring at me from the corner of the room, watching everything I do with a deep scowl on his face. Is he jealous, I wonder?

I decide to make a show of it; of course he can hear me so why not make it something worth listening to? "What is your name?"

"Charlotte." She replies timidly. With each exhale of air she makes, I can smell the sweetness of her soul permeating out of her.

"_Charlotte_," I repeat languidly, "how beautiful. Tell me, what's someone like you doing in a place like this? You obviously don't belong here." I lean forward over the table a bit, keeping my eyes firmly on hers. She blushes, obviously not used to the attention.

"My friend made me come." She says meekly. "I am waiting for her to finish so we can leave and go home." She sighs as she looks away. She is so adorable; I simply cannot wait to devour her.

"Go home? But the evening is only starting." I feign disappointment. She smiles back and now I know how I can leave with her. "How about this, I'll walk you home." I suggest. "That way your friend can stay here and I will get to spend a little more time with you." I move to stand in front of her. I look around but I can't see Sebastian, he must have gone with somebody else, fine then. Charlotte hesitates slightly but I hold out my hand and offer it to her regardless. "_Trust me Charlotte,_ _you're safe with me_."

She takes my hand and I help her to her feet. Putting my hand on the small of her back, I guide her out and towards the door. I let her exit first but as soon as I make my way through the threshold, a firm grip lands on my arm and pulls me back against the outside wall of the bar. I whip around to see Sebastian with that same annoyed scowl on his face, holding my arm as though he was about to rip it off.

He leans into me, "Why won't you ever speak that sweetly to me young master?" He purrs ever so slightly into my ear. Charlotte looks over at us curiously; I catch her eye and smile to reassure her.

"Because I don't want to." I curtly whisper back. Frustrated, Sebastian tightens his grip on my arm and drags me from my prey.

"Wait!" She calls after us.

"This does not concern you – go back to your tart of a friend." Sebastian hisses. She just stands there, dejected as we leave.

I am furious with him as he takes me down and back into a secluded alleyway.

He slams me against the wall, pinning my shoulders down with both hands and I know now we're going to fight.

"Why do you insist on infuriating me?" He snarls, bearing his teeth.

"I wasn't aware that I was." I respond casually.

"You know Ciel; you've never said that you loved me too, in all of these months."

"That's because I don't." I snort churlishly. That's a lie.

"Don't lie to me." He growls. I must admit, when he's angry like this, I'm tempted. I want nothing more than to take his scowling mouth and press it to mine.

"I'm not lying Sebastian." I lie again.

"All you ever do is lie to me."

"_Is that all I do_?" I coo softly, causing him to lean into me and to rest his elbows onto my shoulders. I lower my eye lids, wrap my left arm around his waist and draw him into me. I use my knee to push open his legs slightly as my upper thigh starts to grind into his groin.

"_No, that's not all you do_." He breathes out as he nuzzles the nape of my neck.

"Then tell me Sebastian, what is it that I do?"

"You infuriate me, you tempt me and you torment me."

"Torment you?" I smirk, knowing he can't see it.

"You torment me immensely as you make me want you, _want all of you_." Ah, his voice in my ear, so sweet and delicious.

"You have all of me."

"_Then tell me that you love me_." He whispers.

I give up – I walk this line of love and hate so often that I may as well teeter off of the edge and just cave in to him.

"I-" A sharp shiver runs up my spine, causing me to shudder with my whole body and stopping the words form leaving my mouth. I gasp as the pain takes over me and Sebastian stands back, staring at me.

"Young master, what's the matter?"

"_What's that feeling_?"

"Ah, you've never experienced that before."

"Experienced what?" I pant.

"We're being summoned."

"Summoned?"

"Someone has performed a ritual to summon a creature like us. You don't have to go, I'm sure we're not the only demons in New Orleans."

I think for a moment and then decide.

"No, I think – I think I want to go."

"Ciel, you can't be serious?" He implores as he holds me by my shoulders.

"Why not?"

"Because you have never done this before."

"There is a first time for everything." I chuckle as I leave, pushing past him.

...

As soon as I made the decision to answer the summons, I step away from Sebastian and suddenly arrive in a room. It is dark, save for the flicker of dimly lit candles.

As I approach the light, I can see that the candles have been arranged in the fashion of a pentagram enclosed in a circle. It is different though, the pentagram has the points of a star but two points are curved into the shape of a heart. There is a figure in the center, huddled in a pile on the ground. I step closer to see what it is but I can't tell.

"Hello, who is it?" It calls out to me, the voice is feeble but it's definitely female.

I don't know how to respond as I have never been summoned before but thinking back to how it happened for me, I know only four words to say.

"What is your wish?" I ask, thinking it would be best to stay in the shadows.

"I don't – I don't have a wish." She replies as she starts to sit up.

"Then why did you call me?"

"I didn't know it would work. What are you?"

"I am a demon."

"_A demon_?" She gulps aloud as she struggles to her feet in the middle of the display of candles. I can barely see her but she is tall and wrapped in a heavy seeming cloak, which she tosses over her shoulders. "I didn't mean to summon a demon."

"Well you have and I am here."

She's suddenly quiet and unresponsive - perhaps this is a mistake.

"Well then, if you don't need me then I shall leave." I hate disappointment but if she didn't call for me –

"Wait demon."

"Yes?"

"What I wanted_, I mean_, why I did this... I want revenge on my husband."

"Revenge?" This is a word I truly understand.

"Yes, I got this spell from a voodoo priest who said it would help me. Are you here to help me?"

I move forward but still stay in the shadows. With each click of the heel of my boots, I can see the outline of her body shudder and shake.

"What is your name?"

"Cybil."

"Well Cybil, _I can help you._ I can form a contract with you and exact your revenge in any way you see fit. _However,_ that will come at a price."

"Name it and it's yours!" She demands. I can't help but smile, she sounds like I did when I first met Sebastian. If only I knew then what I know now...

"What did your husband do to warrant such revenge?" I really don't need to know but I'm curious.

"He betrayed me." She hisses.

I step out of the shadows and right in front of her. She stares at me blankly but I know it's because she's scared.

"Well then, I think your wish is clear." I smile as I walk over the first set of candles, moving ever closer towards her as she staggers back.

"I would give anything to have him suffer as I have."

"Anything?"

"Anything." She reiterates firmly.

"You sound sure." I reach out and lightly stroke her face with the back of my hand. She doesn't flinch, not for one second; she just holds my gaze and never wavers.

"I am sure." She says fiercely. "He was my love, _my life_ – my whole existence and he never cared – not once."

"Then ask me. Ask to form a contract with me and I will make sure you get your revenge." I purr as I move a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Cybil slaps my hand away and grabs me by my shoulders.

"_Demon,_ form a contract with me. Help me punish my husband and those who ridicule me and make a fool of me!" She commands. I grab her by the waist and pull her into me, knocking over several of the candles.

"I will help you but in exchange, I want your soul."

"Fine! Take it, it's yours!"

The deal was struck.

I grab the fabric of her dress, which just covers her chest, and I tear a hole in it. I press my palm firmly against her breast bone as I hold her tightly in my other arm. She screams and it's like music, a blood curdling overture filling the air as I can feel the flesh beneath my palm start to burn. I can see the mark on the front of my hand start to form; it's in the shape of the pentagram she had laid out on the floor and I hold her tighter with each shriek she makes.

As soon as the mark appears vividly on my hand, I know it is done.


End file.
